Archive for May, 2007

BEML All-Bargain Squad: Part I (Offense)

May 31, 2007

Yo hustlaz. We’re one-third of the way through the 2007 campaign now, so it is certainly time to opine on the BEML players who have provided the most bang for the buck thus far. Today we tackle the offense:

CATCHER

There aren’t too many great bargains in the catcher ranks. Relatively speaking, Jorge Posada ($1.25) has been a bargain for the Craydawgs by batting .372 with 6 HRs and 28 BI through Week 8. The SeaWolves‘ Russ Martin ($1.00) has been a nice pick-up: .307/3/33/8.

 Jorge’s tickled to be named to the BEML All-Bargain Squad

 SeaWolves players congratulate Russ Martin on his BEML All-Bargain status

FIRST BASE

This is an easy one. The Bears protected Justin Morneau this year for $0.50 and he has produced .291/15/39.

 Morneau is distraught on learning he’s the best bargain on the worst team

SECOND BASE

At second, no doubt the bargain is Chase Utley ($0.50) of the TPC: .293/9/41/3.

 Utley as he appeared at the BEML All-Bargain awards ceremony recently

THIRD BASE

Slim pickings at the hot corner. The best I can do is Team Phil Chu’s Chipper Jones ($1.00), who despite his recent injury struggles is off to a nice start: .300/12/27.

chipper.jpg Chipper was floored to learn he’s on the BEML All-Bargain team

SHORTSTOP

At short, you’ve got to go with the Bears‘ Carlos Guillen (.322/6/36/3), who’s in the second year of his $0.25 contract.

 Carlos Guillen celebrates with his Bears teammates about his All-Bargain award, before learning that the Bears pay him the league minimum $0.25

CORNER INFIELDER

You know, for $0.25 I like Ryan Garko and the way he’s filled in on Team Phil Chu in Ryan Howard’s absence: .337/5/15 in 83 at-bats.

garko.jpg Garko is spastic with delight on hearing he is a BEML bargain

MIDDLE INFIELDER

Up the middle, we have Hanley Ramirez of the Snowmen. Dude was protected for just $0.50 and is batting .326/7/12/15 with 43 runs.

 hanley.jpg Hanley soaks up the attention being a BEML All-Bargain man can bring

OUTFIELD

Patrolling the gaps for the BEML All-Bargain Squad, we’ve got:

Grady Sizemore of the TPC: .276/8/24/16 with 40 runs ($0.25)

Matt Holliday of the Snowmen: .343/8/39/3 ($0.50)

Jeff Francouer of the SeaWolves: .287/7/37/1 ($0.50)

And a duo from the Dirty Dogs:

Gary Matthews Jr. ($0.50) (.269/6/26/7) & Mark Teahen ($0.50) (.292/4/25/6)

UTILITY PLAYER

Our last offensive honoree is Jhonny Peralta, who has batted .284/10/33/1 for the Dirty Dogs for just $0.50. That’s just five cents a homer my friends. 

 This is Jhonny Peralta’s dog. True. (Courtesy http://letsgosox.blogspot.com/2005/06/jacobs-field-june-21st-2005.html)

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Week 8 Report: A BEMLBlog Haiku For You

May 30, 2007

The stats after 8 weeks:

Last Week

Rank

Points

TEAM

Hitting Pitching

Rank Points Change

1

78.5

Team Phil Chu

34.5

44.0

1

74.0

+ 4.5

2

70.0

Craydawgs

38.5

31.5

2

73.0

-3.0

2

70.0

Ballbags

37.0

33.0

3

65.0

+ 5.0

4

49.0

SeaWolves

30.0

19.0

4

48.5

+ 0.5

5

42.5

Snowmen

21.0

21.5

5

44.5

-2.0

6

42.0

Dirty Dogs

29.0

13.0

7

42.0

7

36.5

Barracudas

7.5

29.0

8

33.5

+ 3.0

8

35.0

Brawlers

11.0

24.0

6

43.5

-8.5

9

26.5

Bears

16.5

10.0

9

26.0

+ 0.5

Team Phil Chu sent struggling slugger Vernon Wells (.267/5/23/5) to the Dirty Dogs in return for struggling shortstop Michael Young (.240/4/25/4) over the holiday weekend. TPC is now able to bench the tragic Rich Aurilia. The DDs bench the ailing Brian Giles in favor of Wells, and Kaz Matsui comes in to replace Young. I think the DDs end up +5 in HR, +14 in SB, -.010 in BA, and -5 in runs as a result of this deal. Not bad, but not much of a difference for them.

It’s really a wash for the TPC. Young and Sosa are basically in for Aurilia and Wells.

 Young hopes to hoist the BEML cup for the 2007 Team Phil Chu

 The Dirty Dogs acquire this Vernon Wells…

 Not this Vernon Wells (Wez from Road Warrior (1981))

In other news, the TPC picked up 4.5 points in Week 8 by leading the league with a .317 average and 66 strikeouts. The Chu was led by Nick Swisher, who went .435/3/11 on the week. It also doesn’t hurt to have Jake Peavy on your team: he went 13 innings with just one run, 14 Ks and posted two wins.

The Craydawgs fell back a bit into a tie for 2nd with the Ballbags, 8.5 points behind TPC. The Dawgs led the league in steals (11), and led the league in ERA for the third week in a row (2.92). The Dawgs also paced the BEML with a sparkling 1.04 WHIP for the week. Albert Pujols went 12-for-25 (.480) on the week to raise his average to .302, but he only had one HR (8) and BI (24). Brian Roberts is starting to come alive, as he went .429/1/7/4 and is now at .311/2/16/18 this year. The Dawgs scored with one of their minimum salary speculative save sources, Kevin Gregg. He has taken a closer role and has 8 Ks in 6 IP to go with 2 saves for the Dawgs through Week 8.

Paul Konerko cranked his 7th HR on Monday, the Ballbags franchise’s 1500th homer. The Bags stayed in the hunt for their 2nd BEML title by leading the league in Runs (54) and Saves (8) in Week 8. Alex Rios helped by batting .500 (13-for-26) with 2 HR and 2 steals. However, both Troy Glaus (1-for-17) and Josh Willingham (1-for-16) have slipped into hitting funks.

 The Ballbags’ Scrotium Field lets you in free if you sport a male cameltoe

Beyond the “big three” atop the standings, the SeaWolves are the best of the rest, but remain 21 points out of 3rd place. The Wolves are really struggling for power right now, as they trailed the BEML with just 6 HRs this week. It’s their 4th straight week without double-digit ding-dongs. This is despite having Papi Ortiz, Vlad Guerrero, and Bobby Abreu. Abreu is one of the highest-paid OFers in the BEML ($3.75) but is batting just .233/2/22/7.

The Snowmen find themselves in 5th place and well out of the hunt. They dropped a couple points after having been lit up this week (6.25 ERA), as Bronson Arroyo (6 IP, 12 ER) and Joe Blanton (11.3 IP, 12 ER) pitched like a couple of drunks.

 Bronson Arroyo should not take the mound in this condition

 Joe Blanton should have stayed in bed

The 6th place Dirty Dogs held stable in Week 8. Ichiro is starting to rack up the stats; he went .364/2/7/1 this week. I’m afraid the Dogs are victim to a huge sinkhole in Zach Duke. Duke had a 7.45 ERA/2.07 WHIP this week and is now at 5.55/1.67 for the Dogs in ’07, with just 8 Ks in 60 IP. Ouch. The Dogs need Roy Halladay back pronto.

Signing at Doubleday Dirty Dogs fans repel Zach Duke’s efforts to sign their stuff

The 7th place Barracudas picked up three points and moved up from 8th. It may be that the Cudas will have to dangle Johan Santana or Dice-K in order to pick up another bat or two. Owner Mike Markoski has never been one to play for the next year, so it will be interesting to see whether they dump high-priced talent as the season moves forward.

A BEMLBlog Haiku:

The Brawlers plummeted

 8.5 points in Week 8

Oswalt got lit up

The last-place Bears led the league in pure, unadulterated power in Week 8 with 19 homers and 57 RBI. Justin Morneau led the BEML with 4 HR and 13 RBI to take home BEML Player-Of-The-Week honors.

Benches Clear In Brawlers/Team Phil Chu Matchup

May 25, 2007

The Seawolves‘ Ervin Santana got racked yesterday: 3.7 innings with 8 earned runs. He may no longer be worthy of wearing the SeaWolves’ jersey: 

seawolves-front.jpg seawolves-back.jpg

The Ballbags did some nice work yesterday, moving into a tie for 2nd place with the Craydawgs. Chris Young went 7 strong innings with one ER and 10 Ks, and the Bags batted 18-for-38 (.474) with 10 BI on the day, led by Mags Ordonez’ 4-for-4 performance with 3 BI.

ballbagsshirt.jpg

The Brawlers‘ Dontrelle Willis stayed true to his team’s moniker last night when he threw behind Team Phil Chu‘s Chase Utley, causing tempers to flare and benches to clear. No one was hurt, except perhaps Poppa Joe Pravato’s pride, when he charged Willis and was thrown to the ground Don Zimmer-style:

pedro_zimmer2.jpg

brawlersfront.jpg

Swappin’ With The Bears And Craydawgs

May 24, 2007

Continuing with what has been a relatively active season of trading, the Craydawgs sent phenom Tim Lincecum to the Bears in return for Manny Ramirez. Lincecum has been dominant since he was acquired by the Dawgs off waivers: 3.03 ERA, 1.08 WHIP with two wins and 25 strikeouts in 26 innings. In return the Dawgs acquired Manny Ramirez, who is off to a relatively slow start but has one of the sweetest bats in the game.

    

Lincecum                Manny

Despite nearly 500 home runs in the BEML, it took Manny until 2005 to win his first ring (Ballbags). He has never played for the Craydawgs.

 craydawgs1front.jpg

Ben Molina is looking good for the Barracudas. He has 17 RBI in just 59 at-bats after knocking in four yesterday.

barracudasfront.jpg 

In an interesting move, Team Phil Chu has put the word out that he needs a shortstop even though he has five of them already (Aurilia, Crosby, Vizquel, Tulowitski, and Greene).

 philchu2front1.jpg

The Dirty Dogs’ Brad Penny and Andy Pettitte rebounded nicely from poor outings last week. Penny went 7 innings with 0 runs for the “W” and Pettitte went 7 innings with just 1 run for the win. The Dogs went 19-for-50 (.380) yesterday but failed to record a donger and managed just four RBI.

dirtydogsfront.jpg

Bears Growl

May 23, 2007

Did you hear that sound? I think there’s a Bear growling in the basement.

 It’s a bear in the basement!

In other words, the Bears had an offensive blowout yesterday, going .359 with six homers and 14 RBI. The Bears got two jiggety-jacks from Justin Morneau (13), and ding-dongs from Jermaine Dye (10), Manny (7), Mike Napoli (4), and Junior Griffey (10). Unfortunately, with this step forward, the Bears then took a step back as Mike “Moose” Mussina got blasted for 7 runs in 6.7 innings, leaving the Bears far back in ERA (4.45) and WHIP (1.37) on the year.

 The Moose got run over

Jim Thome is back in a big way for the Barracudas. He went 3-for-3 last night with a tater (6) and 5 RBI. Unfortunately, that was the only offense for the Cudas yesterday. However, Johan Santana brought his “J” game for 13 Ks and a win.

The Cudas dumped former drug addict Josh Hamilton to the DL and will start Mike Cameron.

 Hamilton gets some rest in the Barracudas’ dugout

The Craydawgs have a man-crush on waiver-wire pickup Tim Lincecum. Dude outpitched Brawlers ace Roy Oswalt for the second time in a week last night, going 8 innings with 2 runs for the win. He’s 2-0 with 25 Ks in 26 innings. Torii Hunter cranked his 11th ding-thing and is at .317/11/39/8 on the year.

Craydawgs nemesis The Chu got another quality outing from Jake Peavy (6 IP, 6 K, 1 ER, W), but saw Cole Hamels get a little roughed up (6 IP, 5 ER, 9 H+BB).

 This is the image you get when you type in “The Chu” into Google image search: Dr. Steven Chu, Stanford physicist

Nice work from the Ballbags Ben Sheets (6.3 IP, 2 ER, 5 Ks) last night. The Ballbags are trying to stay in range of The Chu and Craydawgs, and it would help if Sheets would live up to his lofty salary.

 Don’t miss “Ballbags Warmer Night” at The Scrotium tomorrow!

Zach Duke did not help the Dirty Dogs’ cause yesterday: 4.7 IP, 5 ER, 13 H+BB.

Savage Rat-dogs in Battle The Brawlers and Dirty Dogs will hold a co-promotion nest week: “Rat Dog Fight Night” at Turnbuckle Field.

Did you know?: The Snowmen devoted almost 20% of their team budget to closers.

 “Put that coffee down. Coffee’s for closers.” (Alec Baldwin, Glengarry Glen Ross)

May 23, 2007

Glengarry Glen Ross – Coffee’s for Closers

“Put that coffee down. Coffee’s for closers.”

Weekly Bests And Worsts Of The BEML

May 22, 2007

Best Batting Avg.—Week

.326 Craydawgs (Week 7)
Worst Batting Avg.—Week .214 Barracudas (Week 7)
Most HRs 17 Ballbags (Week 7)
Fewest HRs 3 Barracudas (Week 1)

Snowmen (Week 2)

Most RBI 65 SeaWolves (Week 3)
Fewest RBI 22 Snowmen (Week 2)
Most Runs 60 Team Phil Chu (Week 3)
Fewest Runs 27 Snowmen (Week 2)
Most Stolen Bases 14 Team Phil Chu (Week 4)
Fewest Stolen Bases 0 Brawlers (Week 6)
Best ERA 1.95 Craydawgs (Week 6)
Worst ERA 5.89 SeaWolves (Week 5)
Best WHIP 0.87 Craydawgs (Week 6)
Worst WHIP 1.69 SeaWolves (Week 5)
Most Wins 7 Barracudas (Week 1)

Brawlers (Week 1)

Team Phil Chu (Week 5)

Fewest Wins 0 SeaWolves (Week 2)

Bears (Week 3)

Most Saves 9 Team Phil Chu (Week 5)
Fewest Saves 0 Barracudas (Weeks 2, 7)
Most Strikeouts 79 Craydawgs (Week 7)
Fewest Strikeouts 19 Dirty Dogs (Week 3)

Week 7 Report: Craydawgs Kick In The Door

May 21, 2007

The Craydawgs ran roughshod over the BEML this week, jumping 10.5 points and pulling within one point of Team Phil Chu for the league lead:

Last Week

Rank

Points

TEAM

Hitting Pitching

Rank Points Change

1

74.0

Team Phil Chu

32.5

41.5

1

77.0

-3.0

2

73.0

Craydawgs

40.5

32.5

2

62.5

+10.5

3

65.0

Ballbags

35.0

30.0

3

62.0

+ 3.0

4

48.5

SeaWolves

32.0

16.5

4

57.5

-9.0

5

44.5

Snowmen

20.5

24.0

7

39.5

+ 5.0

6

43.5

Brawlers

13.5

30.0

5

45.0

-1.5

7

42.0

Dirty Dogs

29.0

13.0

6

41.0

+ 1.0

8

33.5

Barracudas

7.0

26.5

8

36.0

-2.5

9

26.0

Bears

15.0

11.0

9

29.5

-3.5

 

The Craydawgs took no prisoners in Week 7

In catapulting to within a hair of the lead, the defending champion Dawgs led the league in RBI (58), Batting Average (.326), Saves (7), Strikeouts (79), and ERA (2.35). The Craydawgs set a new weekly record for strikeouts with 79 (surpassing The Chu’s 76 in Week 5) and Batting Average (.326) and have led the league in ERA and Ks for two weeks running. In the past two weeks the Dawg Squad has jumped 18.5 points, erasing what had appeared to be an insurmountable lead by The Chu.

What’s behind the recent surge? David Wright’s bat has reawakened. He blasted four dingers (7) with 10 RBIs (25) and two steals (9) this week. He hit .409 on the week and is now at .282/7/25/9 for the year. Aramis Ramirez has also picked up the pace, as he went .423/3/12 for the week and is at .290/11/35 for the year.

Erik Bedard had 19 Ks in 14 IP this week. He now leads the BEML in strikeouts (75). Danny Haren pitched in 14 Ks of his own in 15 IP and has his ERA at 1.74 and WHIP at 0.94 on the year. Jose Valverde has been a steal of a closer ($1.00 salary) and is now second in the league in saves with 16.

 The Craydawgs are knocking on Team Phil Chu’s door

And what of The Chu this week? They dropped three points. They lost Beckett to add to their wounded list: Mauer, Howard, Podsednik, and Huston Street. Rich Aurilia is starting to show his stripes as he went 2-for-13 (.154) on the week and is now at just .248/2/18/0 on the year. Carlos Beltran went just 3-for-20 (.150) with no ding-dongs. No one had more than 5 RBI in Week 7, and The Chu had just 36 BI on the week. 

 The battle of attrition is taking its toll on The Chu

Of course, the TPC have the best pitching staff in the BEML, so they’re not going anywhere any time soon. The led the league this week in Wins (6) and WHIP (0.98).

The third team in what now appears to be a 3-team race is the Ballbags, who picked up three points to remain in range of The Chu. The Bags led the league this week in HRs (17) and Runs (58).

 Ballbags launched a “No Vasectomies” campaign in Week 7

The SeaWolves fell 9 points and find themselves 26.5 points out of first. They’ve fallen 21.5 points in the last three weeks. Though they still lead the league in hitting (.283), they hit only .246 this week and have not had a .300 week since Week 2. Brad Hawpe woke up a bit this week, though, with 3 dingers (4) and 6 BI (24).

 SeaWolves are exhausted

The Snowmen picked up 5 points and moved from 7th to 5th place this week. Pat Burrell is finally coming around, as he had 3 HRs (6) and 6 BI (22) this week. Brett Myers is looking better in the closer role than as a starter; he picked up 3 saves this week (4) and struck out 8 in just 5.7 innings.

 Doomed to failure?: the Snowmen are heating up, which, ironically, causes them to melt

The Brawlers dropped to 6th this week. The wheels came off for Tim Hudson last night, as he gave up 6 ER in just 4.7 innings. Geoff Jenkins helped pick up the slack by smacking his first HR for the Brawlers and picking up 5 RBI (5).

 The Brawlers hire some creepy batboys

Dirty Dogs picked up one point this week but still fell to 7th place. The Dogs uncharacteristically led the league in steals this week (10) as Ichiro exploded for 8 of them (12). The Dogs trailed in ERA (4.86) and WHIP (1.55) this week. King Felix is still not all the way back, as he gave up 21 hits & walks this week in just 8.7 innings (2.42 WHIP). Brad Penny got hammered with 8 ER in just 5 innings. On the plus side, Big Tex Teixeira cranked 3 doppelgangers (8) with 8 BI this week. He’s all the way up to .299/8/26 after a very slow start.

 The Dirty Dogs organization has come out against animal shelters. “Generally, if a dog has a home, he’s no longer dirty,” explained Dirty Dogs owner/manager Shaun Manusama.

The Barracudas remain in 8th place. They have never finished lower than 6th (2001). They had the league’s lowest batting average (.214) for the year, and have had the lowest BA for the 2nd week in a row and the 4th week overall: Craig Monroe went just 1-for-18 (.056), Adam Lind went 1-for-10 (.100), Miguel Tejada went 3-for-23 (.136) and, remarkably, Chone Figgins posted an 0-for-18 (.000) in an effort to break owner Mike Markoski’s heart. On the positive tip, Jim Thome is back this week. The Cudas need him in a big way. Maddux, Maine, and Dave Bush all got torched.

 Greg Maddux got torched

Did you think the Bears could fall any further? I didn’t. They did. They fell 3.5 points and are buried even deeper in last.

 Time to dig a grave for the Bears? BEMLBlog hopes not.

The Bears were last this week in HRs (7), RBI (30) and steals (3). However, Jermaine Dye seems to be waking up (.304/3/6 for the week), and closers Billy Wagner (0.95 ERA/0.89 WHIP, 10 Saves) and Jonathan Papelbon (1.74 ERA/0.98 WHIP, 11 Saves) have been nearly unhittable. I fear the vultures will come to pick the Bears clean in coming weeks.

The Wolfpack Heads To The Scrotium

May 18, 2007

The Ballbags claimed Randy Wolf off waivers today. Wolf has not pitched in the BEML since 2004, when he was a member of the Snowmen. Before that, he won two rings with the 2002-03 Craydawgs. He has been drafted and released twice: (2001 Craydawgs, 2005 Ballbags). His career BEML stats:

Year

Team IP W ERA WHIP
2002 Craydawgs 37.0 1 2.92 0.95
2003 Ballbags 63.7 4 3.25 1.16
2003 Craydawgs 117.3 10 4.99 1.36
2004 Snowmen 136.7 5 4.28 1.32
Total   354.7 20 4.19 1.27

 Randy Wolf is bringing his Wolfpack back to the Ballbags

In other Ballbags news, they put up zero HR/RBI/SB yesterday and went just 5-for-29 (.172).

Best day yesterday: the Barracudas. Also the day they unveiled Barry Cuda(TM). Coincidence? Nah.

The Cudas had 10 RBI, and 2 homers from Delmon Young. They also got 7 strong innings from Johan to go with 11 Ks.

Team Phil Chu manager Joe Pravato chu-ed out closer Ryan Dempster after Dempster blew a save yesterday in ugly fashion: 1/3 inning, 5 ER.

 Dempster: too much party, not enough pitching?

How about the Craydawgs‘ waiver wire pickup Tim Lincecum? The phenom matched the Brawlers’ ace Roy Oswalt (7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks) inning-for-inning last night by putting up 7 scoreless innings with 10 Ks and just two hits. Lincecum now has 21 strikeouts in 18 innings with a 3.44 ERA with a 1.15 WHIP.

The SeaWolves continued to struggle, going 5-for-36 (.139).

Barracudas Introduce Barry Cuda(TM)

May 17, 2007

In a desperate effort to buoy the flagging spirits of their fans, the Barracudas introduced a new mascot today under the moniker “Barry Cuda.”

With a full line of over 1,000 patterns and ocean wildlife mascots including this Barracuda mascot, we are the direct source for theme parks, corporations, colleges, & schools. Our Barracuda costume mascot is created with the finest materials.

In introducing the new mascot, Cudas owner Mike Markoski denied the rumor that under-used 1st baseman/outfielder Ben Broussard will man the costume. Markoski refused to comment on the rumor that the Barry Cuda costume is fortified to withstand a fusillade of D batteries by, say, impatient Barracudas fans.

 Broussard

In other Cudas news, they pulled a 6-for-42 (.143) debacle yesterday. Chone Figgins went 0-for-3 and is just 6-for-50 (.120) since coming off the DL. The Cudas can pitch, however, as indicated by John Lackey’s 6 inning, 0 ER performance last night.

Speaking of pitching, The Chu can do. They got quality outings out of Peavy, Hamels and Wang yesterday for two wins and a 2.05 ERA/0.91 WHIP. As a result, The Chu extended their lead to 13.5 points over the 2nd place Craydawgs.

The Dawgs got a 3-for-5 day out of Jorge Posada, including his 4th homer. He’s now at .375/4/22 on the year.

 

The BEMLBlog likes the way the 3rd place Ballbags’ CC Sabathia pounds the mitt. The big guy went 8 IP yesterday with 5 Ks and 1 ER for the win.

 CC’s one big dude

The once mighty SeaWolves may have been a flash in the pan. They continue to plummet and are now 26 points out of 1st place and 11 out of 3rd place.

 C. Wolf flouts the restraining order

Hot on the trail of the SeaWolves are the 5th place Snowmen. Adam LaRoche is showing signs of coming out of his slumber by giving up some lumber. He hit his 4th homer yesterday and has 5 hits in his last 8 at-bats.

 Expial-LaRoche-ious!

The Snowmen’s Joe Blanton has been a real bargain thus far at the league-minimum salary. He went 8 innings yesterday with 7 Ks and 2 ER and is now 3.32/1.11 for the Snowmen.

JJ Hardy is already paying dividends for the Los Perros Sucios. He cranked his 2nd homer and is .308/2/5 in just three games since his activation.

 JJ Hardy came to party

The Bears’ Mike Mussina got pounded yesterday: 5.3 IP, 5 ER, 1 K. I know the Bears were expecting more from Moose.

Strike a pose