Archive for June, 2007

Week 12 Report: Stranglehold!

June 28, 2007

Lots of stuff going on with the BEML, so let’s get crackin’.

First off, this is the way things look today, with change since Monday, June 25:

Last Week

Rank

Points

TEAM

Hitting Pitching

Rank Points Change

1

74.0

Ballbags

40.0

34.0

1

74.0

2

70.5

Team Phil Chu

31.0

39.5

2

70.0

+ 0.5

3

69.5

Craydawgs

34.0

35.5

2

70.0

-0.5

4

51.5

SeaWolves

28.5

23.0

4

53.5

-2.0

5

46.5

Snowmen

19.5

27.0

5

47.0

-0.5

6

45.0

Dirty Dogs

33.0

12.0

6

43.5

+ 1.5

7

35.5

Barracudas

7.5

28.0

7

32.5

+ 3.0

8

31.0

Bears

18.5

12.5

8

32.0

-1.0

9

26.5

Brawlers

13.0

13.5

9

27.5

-1.0

 The Ballbags have maintained a stranglehold on 1st since they took over from the Dawgs in Week 10, but they lost a couple points in Week 12 and have the resurrected Team Phil Chu comin’ on strong, 3.5 points back. Mags Ordonez continues to carry the Bags, as he went .500 in Week 12 and leads the BEML in hitting (.377). Alfonso Soriano was hot in Week 12, batting .480 with 4 jimmy-jacks. On the pitching side, Chris Young has his ERA down to 2.08 after fanning 11 in 7 innings last week.

 Ballbags have a stranglehold on the lead

Just when I was about to write off The Chu in recent posts, my man is back. Homie brought it in Week 12, picking up 3.5 points by leading the league in Runs (56), RBI (54) and Strikeouts (53). Ryan Howard is all the way back from his injury and mashing things up: .440/2/8 on the week. And in big news for The Chu, Joe Mauer is back in full effizect: .333/2/9/1 this week. Justin Verlander K’d 11 in 7 innings in Week 12 and is now 2.78/1.13 with 9 wins this year.

pravato_markoski_javaclass.jpg Who’s that taking a scouting trip to Toronto to see Adam Lind? None other than the Barracuda, Team Phil Chu, and Java Class.

pravato.jpgkruk0504.jpg Separated at birth? Big Poppa, meet John Kruk.

The Craydawgs evidently tired of watching Jose Reyes rack up steals at will (38) and dealt that mutha (along with Scott Olsen) to the Snowmen for Matt Holliday and Javier Vasquez. The trade enables the Dawgs to fill a gaping hole in their outfield (named Aubrey Huff: .257/4/25) with a premier slugger in Holliday (.349/13/60/3 for the Snowmen this year). Orlando Cabrera will try to fill Jose’s shoes at shortstop. The Dawgs were in serious need of Holliday’s pop, having only hit 7 homers in Week 12 with just 29 RBI.

 The Craydawgs give Matt Holliday a warm greeting after he scored his first run for them last night.

The SeaWolves have dropped 5.5 points in the last 10 days and are now firmly ensconced as “the best of the rest.” They batted only .237 in Week 12. Julio Lugo went 0-for-18 last week and is hitting just .182. On the pitching side, Aaron Harang keeps getting better and better this year, as he pitched 8 strong innings last week with 7 Ks for his 8th win. Tak Saito has struck out 40 in just 31 innings and is at 1.45/0.77 with 20 saves on the year.

 SeaWolves are vying for the coveted “Best Of The Rest Award.”

The Snowdudes led the league with 15 HRs in Week 12, and also posted a league-best 2.77 ERA and 1.03 WHIP last week. Joe Blanton is having a phenomenal year. He tossed 16 innings in Week 12 with one run and 11 strikeouts and is now at 3.19/1.08 with 7 wins and 77 Ks for the Snowtypes. Ian Kinsler had a great week, batting .364 with 3 HRs and 6 BI, but he will take a seat this week in favor of the newly acquired Jose Reyes. Owner/manager John Sucharski cites a “need for speed” in bringing in Reyes and tapping Dave Roberts to replace slugger Matt Holliday.

The Dirty Dogs have been especially active in recent days. First, they acquired Hunter Pence. I have a transcript of the conversation:

Dirty Dogs: “Hi Hunter. Dirty Dogs here. We’d like you to be a goddamned Dirty Dog if you don’t mind.”

Hunter Pence: “Hi Mr. Manusama. I just want an opportunity to play.”

Dirty Dogs: “You bet, kid. I can’t promise you a job next year, what with your free agent salary of $5.00, but we like your power/speed combo and we think you’re better than what we got, namely Corey Patterson.”

Hunter Pence: “Totally. Dude’s hitting only .214 with one homer in 210 at-bats. I can do better than that.”

Dirty Dogs: “Hell, kid, your granny can do better than that.”

Hunter Pence: “Cool. Can’t wait to put on a Dirty Dogs cap.”

dirtydogsfront.jpg Hunter Pence tries on the Dirty Dogs cap

Then, the Dirty Dogs sent Mark “Big Tex” Teixeira packing to the Brawlers for Todd “7.88 ERA” Jones. Good lord, Mark Teixeira is a legitimate 40-homer threat and Todd Jones is barely hanging on in the major leagues, so I don’t know what got into the Dirty Dogs with this one. The Brawlers cleaned up!

Next, the Dirty Dogs sent Gary Mathews Jr. to the Barracudas for Bob Wickman, and alas, I’m afraid the DD’s just gave up one excellent and one solid position player for two over-the-hill closers. (Dirty Dogs, if you want to send A-Rod the Craydawgs’ way for a closer, give this Dawg a call.)

I do like the Hunter Pence pickup, though. That was solid work. And the DD’s led the league in average (.317) and steals (10) in Week 12.

The Barracudas picked up Gary Mathews, a nice little improvement over Adam Lind. However, in an unfortunate development, the Barracudas called up Yuniesky Betancourt to replace iron-man Miguel Tejada, who is out with a broken wrist. Ouch. Did you know? The Barracudas have just two players with 10 or more homers this year: Carlos Delgado (11) and Jim Thome (10). There’s a power outage in Farmingdale!

markoski-andy-egypt.jpg Barracudas owner Mike Markoski walks like an Egyptian to Cairo to seek Love The Drake’s counsel on getting out of 7th place

The Bears have clawed their way out of the basement after picking up 3 points in Week 12. Carlos Guillen is a stud; he went .476 with 3 HRs and 11 BI last week. Justin Morneau is back in the lineup today after missing several days with a bruised lung.

 Justin Morneau was spitting up blood

The Brawlers dropped 3.5 points in Week 12 to fall into last place. They picked up Mark Teixeira in the aforementioned rape trade with the Dirty Ones and are looking to deal Al Reyes or Bobby Jenks for a 2B or OF. Brawlers posted a woeful 6.64 ERA/1.71 WHIP in Week 12.

BEMLBlog Will Return Soon

June 26, 2007

The BEMLBlog will return on Thursday, June 28 with the weekly update, including a report on the death of former BEML great Rod Beck (RIP).

Swappin’ At The Fish Tank

June 20, 2007

The BEML brass held trade talks while taking in a game between the Barracudas and Craydawgs at the Fish Tank last night:

craydawgmetsgame1.jpg Craydawg rocks the 2-chins

hauser_metsgame.jpg Ballbag scouts trade prospect Johan Santana

snowman_mets_game.jpg Snowman is stymied by the number of mouth-breathers that attend Barracudas games

bears_mets_game.jpg The Bear is impressed by the family-friendly atmosphere at The Tank

  In what is perhaps the BEML’s most bizarre in-game spectacle, Fish Tank security staff play “Catch The Barracuda” with team owner Mike Markoski

The big news was a rare 3-way trade by which the Ballbags sent Scott Kazmir packing to the Cudas in return for Greg Maddux, then swapped Maddux and Konerko to the Bears for Carl Crawford and Jason Schmidt. The Ballbags benched the injured Schmidt and activated Randy Wolf in place of Kazmir. Going forward, BEMLBlog believes the deal helps the Ballbags pick up about 25 steals and some batting average help, and take a slight hit in ERA, WHIP and strikeouts.

I like the Maddux-for-Kazmir deal for the Cudas, who should pick up some ERA help and about 50 strikeouts in return for the loss of a couple wins and a bit of WHIP.

The Bears pick up a healthy pitcher in Maddux to replace Schmidt, and lose Crawford’s speed in return for Konerko’s power. Ultimately, I think this is the rare trade that helps each team out this year.

The Craydawgs and Snowmen discussed a deal at length to send the Dawgs’ Danny Haren to the Snowmen for Matt Holliday, but did not consummate the trade.

Week 11 Report: Barracudas Tampering With LoDuca?

June 19, 2007

The standings after 11 weeks:

Last Week

Rank

Points

TEAM

Hitting Pitching

Rank Points Change

1

73.5

Ballbags

40.0

33.5

1

76.0

-2.5

2

71.0

Craydawgs

37.0

34.0

2

71.5

-0.5

3

66.5

Team Phil Chu

24.5

42.0

3

67.0

-0.5

4

57.0

SeaWolves

31.5

25.5

4

52.0

+ 5.0

5

46.0

Snowmen

20.0

26.0

5

43.5

+ 2.5

6

43.0

Dirty Dogs

33.0

10.0

6

42.0

+ 1.0

7

33.0

Barracudas

7.0

26.0

7

34.0

-1.0

8

31.0

Brawlers

13.0

18.0

8

33.5

-2.5

9

29.0

Bears

19.0

10.0

9

30.5

-1.5

The Ballbags maintained first place this week after trading off with the Craydawgs all week long. The volatility in the standings gets reduced every week, with 17 points of volatility in Week 11 versus 24 last week and 29 the week before. It will continue to get harder and harder to change one’s position as the season wears on. This thing continues to shape up as a three-team race.

The Bags had strong showings in HRs (14), Runs (51) and steals (10) this week, but faltered a bit in Saves (1), ERA (4.70) and WHIP (1.40) to take a 2.5 point dip. Chuck James (12.46 ERA), Scott Kazmir (5.25 ERA) and Chris Ray (8.10 ERA) all took steps backward in Week 11. Moreover, Ivy man Chris Young will likely be suspended by the BEML this week after giving the Snowmen’s Derrek Lee some chin music over the weekend and trading punches in a brawl between the teams to which the Brawlers wish they had gotten an invite.

chris-young-fight.jpg Ballbags’ Chris Young tries to take out Snowmen’s Derrek Lee. The Brawlers were not invited.

America’s Team(R) the Craydawgs stayed in the game this week with a very special performance from Jose Reyes: .409, HR, 4 BI, 6 SB. Jose is now at .318/3/32/37 on the year. The Dawgs led the league in steals for the 7th week (13), but saw Rich Hill (3 IP, 5 ER) take beating yesterday at the hands of the Barracudas’ Mike Cameron, who cranked two 2-run jobs. The Dawgs have benched the injured AJ Burnett in favor of Adam Wainwright. Let’s get ’em Adam. Finally, the Dawgs picked up Alan Embree to serve as a 4th closer and dumped Mike Wuertz from their roster to make room.

Team Phil Chu fell for the 3rd week running and has dropped 12 points now since week 8. The Chu bagged only 6 dongs, 32 runs, and 32 RBI this week, and batted only .258 to trail the league in each of those categories. Carlos Beltran went .115 and Ryan Garko dropped an .056. Only Chase Utley excelled this week, batting .500 with a homer, 6 BI, and a steal. He’s at .320/14/54/4 on the year now.

Chu fared much better on the pitching side, leading the league in Wins (7), Saves (6), Strikeouts (62) and WHIP (1.00). Wang and Verlander carried the squad, each winning both of their starts this week and racking up 30 Ks in 30.7 innings between them.

loducamarkoski.jpg Don’t look now, Team Phil Chu! I believe that’s Barracudas owner Mike Markoski tampering with your catcher, Paul LoDuca.

The SeaWolves were relieved to learn that C. Wolf, their mascot, has been cleared of statutory rape charges. “We have determined that the DNA we recovered from the victim’s body is human and not lupine in nature,” explained the Westchester County District Attorney. Perhaps buoyed by the news, the Wolves picked up five points in Week 11 and led the league in ERA (1.43).

 “The DNA … is human and not lupine in nature.”

 C. Wolf greets young supporters outside the courthouse

The Wolves got strong outings out of Matt Cain (7 IP, 1 ER), “The Other” Santana (Ervin) (7 IP, 2 ER), Mark Buehrle (8 IP, 1 ER), Ian Snell (CG shutout) and Now Lowry (6 IP, 2 ER), and are trying to make this a four-team race.

The Snowmen picked up 2.5 points and led the league in saves (6). Matty Holliday went OFF: .480, 2 HR, 7 BI. Chris Duncan drove in 9. Unfortunately, the Snowmen continue to throw Bronson Arroyo out there every five days to get slaughtered (6.75/1.83 this week). However, Carlos Zambrano has done his best to pick up the slack lately: 17 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks in Week 11.

The Dirty Dogs led the league in hitting this week (.297) with some sweet work from A-Rod (.429/3/10/1), Ichiro (.516) and Mark Teahen (.375, 8 BI). Roy Halladay (7.3 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, W), Andy Pettitte (8 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks, W) and Brad Penny (7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, W) did their best to keep the Dogs in tha hiznunt, +1 on the week.

The Barracudas‘ Garrett Atkins woke up this week and cranked 3 dagnabbits with 10 BI and a .318 average. Unfortunately, the Cudas have seven players batting under .250 right now.

markoski-and-fredbird.jpg Don’t get too close to that thing, Markoski. That pale imitation of FredBird(TM) looks like it has bird flu.

What are the Brawlers fighting for? Right now, it may be just their pride. Miguel Cabrera continues to produce (.318/2/4 this week), but Todd Jones is a disaster (6.64/1.82), and Tom Glavine (4.67/1.44) and Dontrelle Willis (4.58/1.54) have disappointed this year.

 Brawlers say “stop the violence.”

And then there are the Bears, who led the league in homers (19), runs (51), and RBI (53), but just got pummeled on the mound (7.34/1.82). Adam Dunn said “let me loose” and went .500/3/8 this week. Then Ken Griffey Jr. said “no more pussyfootin'” and went .318/3/7. Finally, Justin Morneau said “I take what I want” and slammed 3 HRs with 8 BI and a .368 average. But then Tim Lincecum said “please kick me in the teeth” and gave up 7 runs in 3.7 innings, while Curt Schilling said “please sir, your boot on my neck is hurting me” when he got racked for 5 runs in 5 innings.

mrmet-and-markoski.jpg The Barracudas throw their support behind Mr. Met’s campaign to end macrocephaly (big-head syndrome).

Team Phil Chu Needs The 02

June 15, 2007

We all know this thing’s a marathon, but The Chu is looking a little gassed right now. The Beast From The Far East was the least yesterday, batting just .212 with 0 Donkey-Kongs and 3 BI. On the pitching side, Josh Beckett took his first loss yesterday in giving up 6 runs. The Chu is 5.5 points out of 1st and falling.

 An exhausted Phil Chu gets some O2

Los Craydawgs picked up a nice 3-run SHAZAM! from backup catcher Gerald Laird. He’s filled in nicely for Ramon Hernandez this week. Also, Albert Pujols manhandled his 16th Q-Bert and has erased his slow start.

bolinger_-tattoo.jpg Craydawgs fans really know how to show their admiration for the owner/manager

Mags Ordonez knocked in 3 (60) yesterday to offset a shaky outing by Ben Sheets for the Ballbags. The Ballbags are 1.5 points out of 1st.

Bad Vlad also knocked in 3 (61) for the SeaWolves. He’s at .335/12/61/1.

 Talkin’ about THIS Vlad…

vlad-the-impaler.jpg Not this one (The Impaler, 1430-1477). This one only plays night games.

The Snowmen enjoyed 4 Arthur Fonzarellis to go with 8 BI yesterday, nearly matching their HR output for last week in one day. Chris Duncan (2), Matt Holliday (11), Victor Martinez (13), and Brian McCann (4) all went deep.

fonz.jpg“Aayyy”

The Dirty Dogs looked solid yesterday, going 16-for-39 (.410) with 9 BI, including five from Mark Teahen (.286/5/35/7). They also picked up two wins from Andy Pettitte (8 IP, 1 ER) and Bartolo Colon (6 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks). Dirty, dirty.

 Police raided the Dirty Dogs’ practice facilities this week and uncovered this puppy mill. “What?” said team owner Shaun Manusama. “We like our dogs dirty.”

The Barracudas got a nice outing from Johan last night (7 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks), but Bob Wickman came in and blew the save (.3 IP, 3 ER). Garrett Atkins helped ease the pain by going 3-for-5 and slamming a granny (5).

 Distraught Barracuda Bob Wickman is consoled by catcher Benjie Molina after blowing last night’s save

The Brawlers fought their way out of last place yesterday with great pitching from Dontrelle Willis (7 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks) and Tim Hudson (7.3 IP, 1 ER, 2 H).

The Bears are back in the cellar after free agent acquisition Chad Gaudin got slammed for 5 runs in 4.3 innings.

 This bear at the North Woodmere zoo was upset on learning that Rich Weiss’s Bears are once again back in last place

Craydawgs Say No-No To CoCo

June 14, 2007

Who’s in first, you ask? The Craydawgs, that’s who. But, man it’s not lonely at the top since the Ballbags and Team Phil Chu are right in the mix trying to knock the King off the mountain:

Rank

Points

TEAM

1

72.5

Craydawgs

2

70.5

Ballbags

3

70.0

Team Phil Chu

The Craydawgs benched the woefully underproducing Coco Crisp (.211, 0 HR) in favor of Aubrey Huff yesterday, and had to bring in Ty Wigginton for the injured Aramis Ramirez this week. Finally, the Dawgs DL’ed Ramon Hernandez (I mean, he can’t play with that god-awful groin contusion) for Gerald Laird.

 The Craydawgs have tapped bartender Isaac “Love Boat” Washington to run the concessions at The Dawg Pound

The Dawgs got nice work out of Torii Hunter yesterday. He went 2-for-4 with his 14th shazbot and 2 BI. He’s at .312/14/53/10 and has an outside shot at 30/30.

If anyone has a power-hitting outfielder to bring to the table, the Craydawgs urge you to contact their management.

tootightjeans.jpg A candid shot of the Craydawgs owner before yesterday’s game against the Snowmen

Aaron Rowand did his part for the Ballbags (HR, 5 BI) yesterday, but the main story was Chuck James getting blown out (4.3 IP, 6 ER) and Chris Ray choking (1.7 IP, 3 ER). James and Ray cost the Ballbags the BEML lead.

Team Phil Chu’s Rich Aurilia took three cortisone shots in his neck. That smarts.

 Neck injections like Rich Aurilia’s are not recommended

Jake Peavy continues to dominate for the Chu; he went 7 innings yesterday with 0 runs and 8 Ks for the win. He’s at 8 wins with a 1.82 ERA/1.00 WHIP and 103 Ks on the year. He has played a huge role in keeping The Chu in the mix.

chinaman.jpg The ill-advised mascot used during the 2001 Team Phil Chu season 

The 4th place SeaWolves had the league’s best day yesterday with 3 HRs, 12 BI, and 10 scoreless innings. Brad Hawpe cranked his 9th bomb and is suddenly all the way up to .300 with 41 BIs. Ian Snell slung a complete game shutout with 7 Ks for the win. He’s at 6 wins on the year with a 2.63 ERA/1.14 WHIP.

The 5th place Snowmen have put a little distance between themselves and the Dirty Dogs (+8.5). Joe Blanton pitched 7 strong innings yesterday for his 6th win. Carlos Zambrano seems to have turned things around since some recent fisticuffs with Brawler Mike Barrett (8 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, W this week).

 Snowman Carlos Zambrano jumped into the Brawler’s dugout recently to clean Michael Barrett’s clock

The Dirty Dogs are so filthy they are inquiring into the services of free agent Elijah Dukes, a “dirty dog” in every sense of the term. Dukes allegedly impregnated a 17-year old foster girl and threw a Gatorade(R) at her when confronted about what would be his sixth child by five different mothers.

  Quaker Oats may withdraw its sponsorship deal with Elijah Dukes.

 Elijah Dukes BEML fans are advised not to get too close to Dukes lest they get pregnant.

The Barracudas have jumped into 7th place. Todd Helton drove in four runs yesterday, and John Lackey got his 10th win (6 IP, 1 ER) to go with a 2.53 ERA/1.15 WHIP.

The Bears are out of the cellar!

The woebegotten Bears got some honey in the form of an HR and 3 BI a piece yesterday from Morneau, Hideki, and Eric Chavez.

The Brawlers had a rough day yesterday (1 RBI) and plummeted to last, their first appearance in the basement in six weeks.

 It was Members Only(R) night at Turnbuckle Field last night for the game against the Ballbags. Brawlers fans with Members Only(R) jackets got in free!

Week 10 Report: Root, Root, Root For The … Ballbags?

June 11, 2007

The standings after 10 weeks of play:

Last Week

Rank

Points

TEAM

Hitting Pitching

Rank Points Change

1

76.0

Ballbags

38.0

38.0

2

70.0

+ 6.0

2

71.5

Craydawgs

36.0

35.5

1

74.5

-3.0

3

67.0

Team Phil Chu

28.0

39.0

3

68.0

-1.0

4

52.0

SeaWolves

29.5

22.5

4

55.0

-3.0

5

43.5

Snowmen

18.5

25.0

5

46.5

-3.0

6

42.0

Dirty Dogs

32.0

10.0

6

41.5

+ 0.5

7

34.0

Barracudas

7.0

27.0

7

36.0

-2.0

8

33.5

Brawlers

17.0

16.5

8

32.5

+ 1.0

9

30.5

Bears

19.0

11.5

9

26.0

+ 4.5

The Ballbags had a great week, picked up 6 points, and launched themselves into 1st. They are the third team to hold first in the last three weekly reports. The Bags led the league in HRs (18), Runs (70), Average (.339), and ERA (1.21), crushing the former league marks for runs (60: Team Phil Chu, Week 3) and ERA (1.95: Craydawgs, Week 6). The question for the Ballbags in Week 10 was not “who went off?” but “who didn’t go off?” Everyone produced, with the exception of Josh Bard (.111). Prince Fielder continues to make a case for BEML MVP (.375, 4 HRs, 8 BI), and Alfonso Soriano continues to have a hot June so far (.433, 4 HR, 8 BI in Week 10). On the pitching side, CC Sabathia hurled 18 innings without giving up a run this week. He’s at 3.09/1.12 on the year with 9 wins and 89 strikeouts.

The Craydawgs had a merely mortal week, dropping 3 points into 2nd, but they are unbowed. The Dawgs batted only .252, but led the league in Strikeouts (78) and Wins (5). Albert Pujols is hot (.364/4/9) and is up to .299/15/40 this year. David Wright has left behind a cold April. He went .348/4/6/1 this week and is now .379/12/34/12 on the year. Ramon Hernandez hit the DL with a groin contusion (!!) and is replaced by Gerald Laird. Pitching-wise, how about that Danny Haren? Dude pitched 14.7 innings with just 2 ER and 15 Ks this week and is now at a BEML-leading 1.58/0.86 on the year with 76 Ks. Rich Hill (8 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, W), Jamie Shields (14.3 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 2 Ws), and Kelvim Escobar (CG, 1 ER, W) also had strong outings for the Dawgs.

 

Exclusive: Ramon Hernandez consults with his doctor about his groin contusion

Team Phil Chu, which looked so dominant in the early going, continued its collapse in Week 10, posting just 7 homers with 35 RBI. No one on The Chu had an extraordinary week. Michael Young has been a nice pickup (.519/0/7) and is now 26-for-61 (.426) with 11 BI and 2 SB since being acquired from Dirty Dogs, but free-agent pickup Mike Lowell has disappointed (3-for-25, 2 BI). Josh Beckett had another fine outing (8 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks, W) as did Justin Verlander (7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, W), but Jake Peavy cooled off somewhat (6.7 IP, 4 ER, 3 Ks), and closer Dan Wheeler is in danger of losing his job. The Chu needs to regroup, and you can bet GM Joe Pravato will be working the phones to try to improve his fading squad.

 You can bet The Chu uses cutting-edge mobile phone technology to talk trade

The SeaWolves continue their descent in the standings, losing another three points this week. They posted just 7 homers and have not hit double-digit ding-dongs since Week 4. Bobby Abreu broke through the dark clouds, however, batting .500 in Week 10 with 1 HR, 9 BI and 2 steals. The Wolves have only three players on pace to hit 30+ homers (Guerrero, Ortiz, Adrian Gonzalez). Aaron Harang continues his resurgence; he went 13 innings with just 3 ER and 17 Ks this week. He’s now up to 6 wins with 85 strikeouts and a 3.93 ERA/1.17 WHIP.

A week after blasting 19 dongs, the Snowmen fell back to earth with just 5 HRs this week. They also trailed the league with just 32 RBI, but cranked out 11 steals and 7 saves to lead the BEML in those categories. They dropped 3 points and remain in 5th place. JJ Putz is pitching his heart out right now, as he tallied 5 saves this week and is now at 1.23/0.58 with 18 saves on the year.

Dirty Dogs held steady in 6th this week thanks to an incredible performance from A-Rod, who batted .400 and belted 4 jimmy-jacks to go with 16 RBI and a steal. He’s at .304/24/63/7 for the year.

Alex Rodriguez A-Rod lives up to the “Dirty Dog” moniker during a road trip to play Farmingdale’s Barracudas.

 A-Rod was seen taking the mystery lady to the Econo Lodge in Hicksville, where all BEML teams are known to stay when traveling to the Barracudas’ Fish Tank.

You have to feel for the Dirty Ones, whose highest-paid pitchers continue to struggle. Roy Halladay went 10.3 innings in Week 10 and gave up 10 runs against just 3 Ks. King Felix gave up 7 runs in 11.7 innings. I admit I thought these dudes were golden coming into the season.

The Barracudas dropped two points but remain in 7th place, just ahead of the Brawlers. The Cudas remain last in every offensive category except steals. They won’t stay there for long if Chone Figgins keeps up his hot hitting. Figs went 13-for-30 this week (.433) with 5 BI and 7 steals. All of a sudden he’s up to 13 steals on the year. Dice-K went 13 innings with 17 strikeouts but missed getting a win this week. New pickup Brad Hennessey has pitched 3 innings with 3 ER for a 9.00 ERA/2.00 WHIP.

 Mike Brady designed the Barracudas’ Fish Tank in 1994 before his untimely death by AIDS. Unfortunately, he only included one bathroom, which remains a black eye to this day for the Barracudas franchise.

The Brawlers cranked up the heat this week with 15 bam-bams, but also came away with nil wins, a 7.19 ERA and 1.77 WHIP. Closer Todd Jones appears to be about finished, as he now has a 7.50 ERA/1.94 WHIP. Tom Glavine got whipped like a Starbucks vanilla bean Frappucino(R) (11.3 IP, 11 ER). Tim Hudson got lit up like Team Phil Chu’s Newports(R) (8 IP, 10 ER). On the bright side, Gary Sheffield is straight pimpin’, as he went .417 with 4 Jackie Chans and 11 BI.

 Pravato’s smoke of choice, The Newport(R)

True story: I took the kids to Six Flags Wild Safari(R) this weekend and what did we see but two black bears just goin’ at it, “bear style.” That’s just how the Bears do it, out in the open. Or in the cellar. Rich Weiss’s Bears were not messing around this week, gaining 4.5 points by leading the league in RBI (58), Wins (5) and WHIP (0.94). Carl Crawford did his best toward lifting the Bears out of the basement with a .353/1/7/5 line. Brandon Inge went unhinged and blasted 2 Bruce Willises with 10 BI, to go with a .429 average. Here come the Bears.

An Interview With Michael Markoski Of The Barracudas

June 8, 2007

The BEMLBlog is pleased to bring you the second in a series of interviews with the owner/managers of the BEML, a very special sit down with Michael Markoski of the Barracudas.

The Barracudas have been languishing in the second division so far in 2007, in sharp contrast with their long and storied history of success.

The Cudas had a great day yesterday (June 6) (.396/2/11/1; 8 IP, 2 ER, 10K). Is this a sign of things to come?

You know, let’s hope so. The lackluster efforts of the troops has really been draining on the staff & me. Josh Barfield (highly touted, through extensive scouting & development) is the last of the Fab 14 to finally cross the dreaded Mendoza Line. So, as you ask, let’s hope the best is yet to come. We will just have to stay tuned to the same Bat-Channel to find out.

 The Barracudas recently fired their batting coach, Mario Mendoza.

It’s been an uncharacteristically rough year so far for the Cudas. How do you deal with it?

It’s not easy, I’ll tell ya. Keeping the boys motivated has really been the task at hand. You really just have to throw your best 23 out there every day, look at the back of their baseball card, and hope those numbers are there at the end of the year. I’ll tell you this, though, these first two months have been egg-hausting.

The Cudas have never been ones to have a “fire sale.” Is this the year?

Holy Catastrophe!!, let’s hope not. The mountain ahead is a steep one, I’ll tell you that. However, the season is a marathon, not a sprint. We just have to keep focused.

 Markoski is prone to quoting the Adam West-era Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder

The Cudas are the BEML’s all-time winningest franchise. What’s the secret to their success?

Staying on top of your team. Monitoring injuries. Knowing when to yank one of those under-achieving slackers. This game isn’t for those pretty-boy metro-sexuals. If you’re not ready to play with Big Boys, step aside.

 The Barracudas: Metrosexuals need not apply

The franchise’s original name was The Llamas. How did that name come about? Why the change to Barracudas?

The Llamas were a second to last place outfit in that inaugural year of 1993. They would have been the league’s laughing stock, if not for Casey Candaele & the dreaded Love the Drake crew. A change needed to be made, and fast. We immediately changed the team name & the team colors, which, as you know, were pink & orange/yellow. The Barracuda name was born, more to exemplify the new team feistiness that was needed to get us to the next level. As you know, four years later, the first championship banner was raised.

 Candaele as he appeared for the infamous 1993 Love The Drake squad

 Barracudas staff raises the 1998 championship banner at East Meadow Town Hall. Charges were later dropped by Nassau County prosecutors.

How has Barracudas Nation taken to the new mascot, Barry Cuda(TM)? Is it true that Barracudas benchwarmer Ben Broussard is the man behind the mask?

Barry has been a hit with the Nation, as expected. The Barracuda marketing staff studied many mascots, including the mascot that is considered the best, FredBird(TM). Lots of thought and work was put into the 7’ mammal (fish, whatever) and the fans have come to make Barry one of their own. Many fans have come up to me, not only to have their authentic Barracudas’ Markoski 11 jersey signed (available now at www.BEML.com), but thank me for Barry and also his between innings appearances where he shoots $100 bills into the crowd. Fans are also pleased with the two hotties, Mandy & Candy, that we stole from the Devil Rays staff.

 Barry Cuda(TM)!   FredBird(TM) in effect!

 Official Barracudas(TM) “Markoski 11” Jersey!

  Markoski with the Barracudas Girls(TM). Markoski denies rumors that the Cuda Girls are double-teaming Barry Cuda(TM).

Regarding the man behind the mask, I will neither confirm or deny that Benny Broussard is the man behind the cowl. Only my butler, Alfred, knows. 

 Markoski’s man-servant, Alfred.

Can you tell us a bit about the Barracudas home stadium in Farmingdale? What is its name? When was it built? What’s the capacity? Any plans for a new Stadium?

We are quite proud of the Fish Tank, built during the strike of 1994, which replaced our dilapidated Llama Barn. Our architect, Mike Brady, was instrumental in bringing all of the amenities to our park, that so many fans desire (stacked bullpens, grass field, out of town scoreboard, spectacular view of the railroad, etc.) Some say the capacity is a little small (11,011), but that was the best we could do using the site of the old Farmingdale Red Lobster (RIP). A new site is in the works, but nothing new at this time. You can stay up to date by logging on to our website www.BarracudaNation.com

 The Fish Tank(TM)

 The Llama Barn c. 1993

Two real improvements I have heard from our fans is our new host of the pregame show, Deb Kaufman (3rd photo attached). Long considered the standout of NY Islander telecasts, she brings some grace (although some claim that you cannot have ‘some’ grace) to the pregame.

 Markoski with new Barracudas pregame announcer Deb Kaufman

Also, the addition of Stephanie LaGrossa, from Survivor fame, as our between innings hostess, has been met with rave reviews, as well. Keep up the good work, girls.

 Markoski with Barracudas’ “between innings hostess,” Stephanie LaGrossa. Her agent must be stoked to have gotten that gig for her after Survivor.

 BEMLBlog wants to know: What’s up with the eyebrows on LaGrossa?

Ballbags Out In Front

June 7, 2007

It is with heavy heart I report that the Ballbags have taken the lead over your Craydawgs in This Thing Of Ours called the BEML, 73.5 to 73. The Craydawgs dropped out of first in ERA by virtue of Team Phil Chu‘s surge in that category yesterday: 17 IP, 1 ER (0.53 ERA) (Wang, CG, 1 ER, W; Verlander 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks).

 The Ballbags are out in front

In other Ballbags news, they sent Chris Duncan from their bench to the Snowmen for Curtis Granderson, and benched Josh Willingham. Presumably the Ballbags hope to pick up some points in steals with the acquisition of Granderson; in my view, whatever advantage the Ballbags may get in steals will be lost in RBI. For the Snowmen, I think in Duncan they pick up a couple HRs but lose out in runs, RBI, and steals in giving up Granderson. At the end of the day, I don’t think this trade helps or hurts either team that much. In any event, you can be certain this is not the last trade these teams will pull off this year; last season they exchanged 20 players.

The Craydawgs’ Albert Pujols cranked his 12th jack of the year yesterday. He is up to .292/12/33 on the year and passed Ken Caminiti (R.I.P.) for third on the all-time Craydawgs HR list (102).

 Pujols takes a curtain call for Craydawgs Nation after moving into 3rd on the all-time franchise HR list (102)

Those Dirty Dogs got a nice game from Kaz Matsui yesterday: 2-for-4, 2 runs, HR, 2 BI, and a steal.

 Who’s the boss? Yesterday, it was Kaz Matsui (HR, SB, 2 BI). Dirty Dogs fan Alyssa Milano paid a visit to Kaz in the Dogs’ dugout.

The Barracudas‘ Michael Cuddyer went 3-for-4 yesterday with a 2-run job and 3 BI total. Cuddyer is up to .298/8/41/3.

 Cuddyer goes a little overboard after hitting HR #8.

Look for an interview with Barracudas owner/manager Mike Markoski, coming soon to the BEMLBlog.

Gary Sheffield continues to light up the scoreboard for the Brawlers. He blasted his 14th and 15th jiggety-jacks yesterday.

 Brawler Gary Sheffield brawling with Snowmen fans at last night’s game

The Bears racked up 13 RBI yesterday and lead that category so far this week with 26. Carl Crawford knocked in four (32).

Week 9 Report: Who Let The Dawgs Out?

June 4, 2007

The standings after nine weeks:

 

Last Week

Rank

Points

TEAM

Hitting Pitching

Rank Points Change

1

74.5

Craydawgs

39.0

35.5

2

70.0

+ 4.5

2

70.0

Ballbags

35.0

35.0

2

70.0

3

68.0

Team Phil Chu

29.0

39.0

1

78.5

-10.5

4

55.0

SeaWolves

31.0

24.0

4

49.0

+ 6.0

5

46.5

Snowmen

24.5

22.0

5

42.5

+ 4.0

6

41.5

Dirty Dogs

30.0

11.5

6

42.0

-0.5

7

36.0

Barracudas

8.0

28.0

7

36.5

-0.5

8

32.5

Brawlers

12.5

20.0

8

35.0

-2.5

9

26.0

Bears

16.0

10.0

9

26.5

-0.5

Woof! Your 6-time BEML champion Craydawgs (+4.5 points) went for the throat this week and leapt into 1st for the first time this year after a 15-point swing with Team Phil Chu (-10.5 points). The Dawgs led the league in RBI (64), Steals (10), and Saves (7), and finished a strong second in Average (.315), ERA (2.56), and WHIP (0.99). Manny Ramirez has provided a spark since his acquisition from the Bears; he’s gone 16-for-33 (.485) with a HR and 4 BI since the trade. The Dawgs’ catching tandem (Jorge Posada and Ramon Hernandez) ripped it up this week, going a combined .333 with 3 HR, 19 BI and a steal.

 The Dawgs will sneak up on you

Most of the Dawgs’ surge came in the pitching categories (+4). The Dawgs overtook the ERA category (3.19) after four straight weeks of sub-3.00 ERA. The Dawgs also now lead the WHIP category after four weeks of WHIP between 0.87 and 1.04. Bedard, Haren, Hill, Burnett and Shields all had quality starts in Week 9.

The Ballbags held steady this week in second place, just 4.5 points off the lead. The Bags led the league in Wins (7) and ERA (2.54) this week. Prince Fielder is on a 50-homer pace after belting four (19) to go with seven RBI (44). The Bags picked up nice pitching from Kazmir (7 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks), Brandon Webb (8 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, W) and Chris Young (7 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, W). The Ballbags’ title hopes are firmly in play.

 Ballbags fans proudly proclaim their “number 2” status

The Chu crew took the week off and plummeted to third place this week, dropping 10.5 points. They trailed the rest of the league in RBI (35), ERA (6.56) and WHIP (1.71). What happened? The pitching staff gave up hits like Ali playing rope-a-dope. Peavy gave up 10 hits in 7 IP, Wang gave up 10 in 5.7 IP, Verlander gave up 8 in 5 IP, Jared Weaver gave up 9 in 4.7 IP. Carlos Beltran sat out most of the week, Sammy Sosa put up a .136, and Paul LoDuca went a paltry 2-for-17. The Chu have called for reinforcements, though, adding Mike Lowell at 3rd base to replace the ailing Chipper.

 The Chu played some rope-a-dope this week

The SeaWolves had a minor resurgence, picking up 6 points, 19.5 points out of first. They led the league in average (.343) and WHIP (0.92) but trailed in HR (8). Brad Hawpe had a nice week (.455/3/8) as did Russell Martin (.333/3/5) and Vladimir Guerrero (.423/2/8). Unfortunately, the Wolves are bound to fade if they don’t pay attention: Joaquim Soria and Rickie Weeks have been on the DL for several days without replacement.

The Snowmen picked up 4 points in Week 9, blasting a league-leading 19 HRs. The Snowmen had four players with 3 or more HRs this week: Jason Bay, Derrek Lee, Dan Uggla, and Victor Martinez.

The Dirty Dogs led the league in Runs (61). Vernon Wells is off to a slow start since the trade with Team Phil Chu; he’s gone 5-for-27 (.185) with 0 HRs. Richie Sexson has his average up over .200 now after going .333 with 2 HR and 7 BI this week. Jose Contreras is starting to look like this team’s albatross; he posted a 6.94 ERA/2.05 WHIP in Week 9.

  =     Contreras is the Dirty Dogs’ albatross

The Barracudas offense has come alive recently, with 27 HR and 99 RBI in the last two weeks. If the Cudas play to their potential from here on out, I can see them picking up 20 points or so, which would be good enough for maybe 3rd or 4th place. You can rest assured the Cudas will try their best to uphold their honor.

The Cudas picked up new closer Brad Hennessey over the weekend with the June free agent move.

 Barracudas owner Mike Markoski wears a blue tooth in an effort to spark his club

The Brawlers and Bears are stuck at the bottom again this week. The Bears somehow led the league in Ks this week, but I’m afraid their pitching is atrocious. Their 4.56 ERA is a full half-run behind the next to last pitching staff (Snowmen, 4.06). In an effort to stop the bleeding, the Bears picked up Chad Gaudin on the free-agent wire, but he promptly gave up 13 baserunners in 5 IP (2.60 WHIP). For the Brawlers, Gary Sheffield has really come on strong the last few weeks; he went .345/4/9/2 this week and is up to .266/13/32/7 for the year.

The Brawlers and Bears are duking it out for 8th place