Archive for September, 2007

Are You There God? It’s Me, Craydawg

September 27, 2007





Team Phil Chu








Yeah, it’s me, Craydawg. What a difference a day makes. Yesterday I was tied with Team Phil Chu, and today? Seven points back. Dang, that’s cold.

TPC cranked six homers, passing the Bears and the Dawgs in that category. Lance Berkman had two bombs (32), Beltran had two as well (31). Further, sixteen RBI enabled TPC to pass the Dawgs in that category. Two wins broke the tie with the Barracudas (Peavy and Wang both won their 19th). And Chu even threw Jeremy Sowers out there to pitch five shutout innings. Dude hasn’t pitched since June and he comes back and helps TPC pass the Dawgs in ERA. A veritable rotisserie jackpot for the TPC.

So it basically hit the fan yesterday for the Dawgs.

dog-teeth.jpg Dawgs are angry.


Chipper And Chase Give Chu A Charge

September 26, 2007

Rank Points Team
1(t) 76.0 Craydawgs
1(t) 76.0 Team Phil Chu
3 75.0 Ballbags

Tied up again, babies. Team Phil Chu got homers from Chipper (27) and Chase (22) to pull even in that category with the Bears and pick up a 1/2 point, tying your Craydawgs.

More ominous for the Craydawgs is that they picked up nil RBI yesterday (despite hitting .321), while the Chu drove in 7 and drew to within two RBI of the Dawgs in that category.

ozzie-choking.jpg Team Phil Chu’s spiritual advisor Ozzie Guillen infuriates Craydawgs Nation with his suggestion that they will choke in the final week.

Week 25 Report: BEML Fan Appreciation

September 25, 2007











Team Phil Chu






















Dirty Dogs






Whatever happens in this, our final week, it will conclude the most exciting and dramatic race for the pennant the BEML has seen. One point is the difference between 1st and 3rd place.

The Craydawgs maintained their all-too-tenuous grip on the lead this week by leading the league in Steals (14), Average (.321), ERA (2.81) and WHIP (1.04). David Wright continued his stretch run heroics with a 14-for-31 (.452), 7 BI, 3 steals performance, bringing his season to .321/30/105/34 with 107 runs thrown in. Matt Holliday (4 HRs) and Aramis Ramirez (3 HRs) added some all-too-important pop. Javier Vasquez racked up two wins (10) and 24 strikeouts in 15 innings and has been a lifesaver for the Dawgs since coming over from the Snowmen midseason (3.65 ERA, 1.11 WHIP, 111 Ks in 111 innings).

The Dawgs would like to pick up a point in HRs this week, where they trail the Snowmen 289-288. It would be nice to catch the Chu in Runs (1224-1215) and WHIP (1.183 to 1.188), and the Dirty Dogs in Wins (90-86). The Dawgs hope to fend off the Chu in ERA (3.445 to 3.478), and the Bears and Chu in HRs (288-285-282).

 The first 1,000 fans at the Craydawgs’ home finale at the Dawg Pound will receive a copy of the trademark infringement lawsuit the Craydawgs have filed against Clay Aiken concerning the use of “ClayDawgs.”

The Chu’s Ryan Braun blasted two dingers this week and has been a critical late season addition for Pravato’s troops, hitting .287 with 14 HRs and 39 BI in just 195 at-bats. The Chipper has outperformed expectations this year; this week, he hit his 26th homer and dropped 7 RBI (97) with a .440 average.

The Chu got some great pitching this week from Jake Peavy (7 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks), Wang (7 IP, 1 ER) and Oswalt (7 IP, 0 ER), but had nil wins to show for it. The Barracudas took advantage, tying Chu in the lead for wins with 103. Chu would love to pick up that 1/2 point by beating the Cudas in wins in the final week. With a big week in HRs, Chu could really clinch this thing; 8 homers means 3 points for the Chu. Chu is 15 RBI behind the Dawgs, so again a big week in that category could clinch. Finally, Chu could pick up another point in ERA with a great week of pitching, or a disastrous week from the Dawgs.

On the other hand, should they falter this week, Chu could lose a point in WHIP to the Dawgs, lose a point in Saves to the Bears (107-104), lose a 1/2 point in Wins to the Barracudas, a point in RBI to the Ballbags (1185-1173), or a point in Runs to the Dawgs (1224-1215).

 The first 1,000 lucky ladies at the Chu’s home finale will get a sloppy kiss from Phil Chu.

Ballbags excelled this week in Saves (7), bringing them within two of the Bears (104-102). That’s their best chance to move up this week, since they lost ground by 10 RBI this week to the Chu and now trail in that category by 12 (1185-1173). Alfonso Soriano is doing his best to bring home the BEML Trophy for the Bags; he went .407 this week with 4 HRs, 7 BI and a steal. He’s at .299/31/65/19 after a very slow start to the year.

 The first 250 Ballbags fans at next Sunday’s home finale will get a Balzac shirt!

Snowmen will finish a respectable 4th this year, bring home the saves title for the 2nd year running, and try to bring their team ERA under 4.00 (4.018). No question Derrek Lee’s been a big disappointment this year, but he is finishing strong, hitting two homers in Week 25 with 5 RBI and a .458 average. He’s at .319/20/79/6 on the season.

 The first 500 fans at the Snowmen’s home finale will receive a free official Snowmen cap! Congratulations in advance!

The meteoric rise and fall of the 2007 SeaWolves reaches its denouement this week. At least the Wolves have identified a likely keeper for ’08 in Brad Hawpe, who cranked three jobs this week with 10 BI and a .520 average. He is up to .288/28/106 on the season.

 A judge will be on hand at the SeaWolves’ home finale to add the first 1,000 fans’ names to the restraining order barring C. Wolf from interacting with their children.

The Barracudas are one point behind the SeaWolves and would love a strong final week to reach that 5th spot. They are in fine position to overtake the struggling Bears in Runs (971-966), pass the Wolves in steals (tied at 150), and pass the Chu in Wins (tied at 103).

The Cudas led the BEML in strikeouts (76) in Week 25 for the second week in a row. John Lackey contributed 17 (177) over two starts, picking up two wins (18).

 The first 150 Barracudas fans at the Fishtank’s 2007 finale will get a stuffed barracuda and a signed photo with mascot Barry Cuda(R)!

The Brawlers have had an impressive late season surge, racking up 20 HRs in Week 25 to lead the league. The Brawl also led the BEML in RBI (63). Ryan Howard blasted 4 dongs with 10 RBI and a .348 average this week, and has now plastered 21 HRs in 249 at-bats for the Brawlers since his trade from the Chu. Oliver Perez picked up his 13th win for the Brawl with an 8 inning, 1 run, 8 K performance. He’s at 3.33/1.31 for the Brawl this year.

 The Brawlers will pay tribute to Nolan Ryan at Turnbuckle Field in the final week.

It looks like the Dirty Dogs will avoid the cellar this year, since they have a 2.5 point lead over the Bears. The Dogs batted in a woeful 19 runs in Week 25 and need 26 to pass 1,000 on the year. They have all but spoiled the Craydawgs chances to pick up a point in wins; the DDs led the league this week with 7 and now lead the Dawgs by 4 wins (90-86). Jose Contreras led the way with a complete game shutout for his 10th win.

 The Baha Men are scheduled to play the final 2007 homestand at The Shelter

The Bears plummeted 4 points this week and appear doomed to last place this year. They were last in the league in HRs (4) this week and have hit just 20 over the past three weeks. They also trailed in Runs (24), Average (.208), Wins (2), Strikeouts (31), ERA (8.04), and WHIP (2.11). Paul Konerko posted a 2-for-22 performance (.091), Brandon Inge went 2-for-17 (.118), Justin Morneau hit just .176 (3-for-17), Adam Dunn went .118 (2-for17), and Ken Griffey Jr. hit 2-for-14 (.143). On the pitching side, Greg Maddux got hurt to the tune of 8 runs in 8.7 innings, Derek Lowe gave up 6 runs in 3 innings, and Kevin Gregg got racked for 5 runs in 1.7 innings. Just a bad week for the Breas, for whom the 2007 season can’t end soon enough.

 The Bears will rock the ’76 throwbacks during the final week of the season.

Craydawgs Declare Man-Crush On Holliday

September 21, 2007









Team Phil Chu




The Craydawgs have declared their love for slugger Matt Holliday, who cranked a 3-run job (36) last night and now has 11 HRs in the last 12 days. Wow. Holliday has helped the Dawgs (284) close the gap in HRs with the Bears (285) and Snowmen (284) and has helped make up for the dreadful loss of King Albert this week.

The Dawgs also tied up Team Phil Chu in Runs (1196) yesterday to take the lead back after Chu borrowed it the last couple days.

Ballbags picked up two saves yesterday to pull within three of the Bears (Hoffmann, 40; Weathers, 15). They are also just 5 RBIs from Chu 

Chu On This

September 19, 2007

Rank Team Points
1 Craydawgs 76.0
1 Team Phil Chu 76.0
3 Ballbags 75.0

Twelve days left.

The Chu tied it up yesterday. How’d they do it? Two saves from Joe Nathan (33) and K-Rod (36) enabled them to pass up the Bears in Saves (103-102) and pick up a point. Then they went and outscored the Craydawgs in runs yesterday, 13-9, breaking a tie in that category and picking up another point on the Dawgs.

Meanwhile, the Dawgs are limping to the finish, with injuries to King Albert (calf) and Rafael Furcal (back) that threaten to sap at-bats when every one counts. The Dawgs also learned that pitching stud James Shields will not pitch again this year.

varicose.jpg Albert Pujols is having some leg problems.

The Ballbags‘ best hope to pick up a point before the end of the year is in RBI, where they trail the Chu by five (1147-1142).

Week 24 Report: Craydawgalypse Now!

September 18, 2007

Rank Points Team Change
1 76.5 Craydawgs +2.5
2 75.0 Ballbags -1.0
3 74.5 Team Phil Chu -1.0
4 55.0 Snowmen +1.0
5 40.0 SeaWolves -1.5
6 38.0 Barracudas
7 33.0 Brawlers +1.0
8 29.5 Bears
9 28.5 Dirty Dogs -1.0

This thing is day-to-day, week-to-week. And Week 24 belonged to the Craydawgs, who jumped 2.5 points into 1st place. Dawgs have regained the lead after giving it up three weeks ago.

Whilst fending off the Ballbags and Chu, who would try to terminate his command “with extreme prejudice,” Owner/Manager Bolinger, leading his brigade of Dawgs, sequestered himself atop the leader board, leading the BEML this week in four categories: HRs (20), Runs (66), Steals (15), and WHIP (1.04). 

kurtz.jpg “The horror…” The Craydawgs’ owner–fantasy baseball’s version of Colonel Kurtz–experiences a psychological break defending his BEML title.

Spurred on by their demented leader, the Craydawgs took no prisoners. Matt Holliday blasted 6 Ford Coppolas (32) into the night air, dropping 11 RBIs on unwitting villagers like bombs from the sky (122). Even Aubrey Huff got into the act, doing his duty like Martin Sheen’s Captain Willard, hitting .591 (13-for-22) with 3 BI (30). Rafael Furcal sped like a Navy patrol boat up the Nung River, stealing 8 bases (25) and finally providing some value for the Dawgs. 

sheen-as-willard.jpg Aubrey Huff will sneak up on you.

The 2nd place Ballbags did nothing to stand out in Week 24, but nothing to particularly hurt their chances, either. In a painful development, they were bested in RBI this week by Chu, 59 to 45, and lost a point in that category. Jimmy Rollins loc-ed out like Tone Loc and stole 8 bases this week. He’s now at .296/27/85/36and may yet form a 30-30 double-play tandem with 2B Brandon Phillips, who went .364/1/5/2 and is at .291/29/89/31 on the year.

tone-loc.jpg That’s right. BEMLBlog dropped a Tone Loc reference on you.

And what of 3rd place Team Phil Chu? They lost a critical point in runs to the Dawgs this week by being outgunned 66 to 50 in that category. However, the Chu led the league in RBI in Week 24 (59), picked up a point on the Bags, and is now creeping up on the Dawgs in that category (-17). Todd Helton swung the hottest bat for Chu, hitting .417 with 2 HRs (14) and 7 RBI (79). The dude that’s really driving the Chu-train, however, is Jake Peavy, who is gunning for this year’s Maddux Award (BEML’s version of the Cy Young, named after Greg Maddux, the best pitcher of the 1993 inaugural season). Peavy picked up two wins (18) this week and leads the league in ERA (2.39) and strikeouts (225).

maggot-award.jpg I said “Maddux Award”, not “Maggot Award.”

The Snowmen led the league in BA this week with a .310 mark. Hanley Ramirez led the charge by going 9-for-20 (.450) with 2 HRs, 3 BI and 3 steals. He’s at .333/28/73/49 on the year.

SeaWolves were anemic in Week 24, hitting .232 with just 6 homers and 29 Ks, all league lows. Vlad Guerrero (3 HR, 10 BI) and David Ortiz (3 HR, 8 BI, .450) supplied all the offense. The Wolves’ lineup featured six players under .200 this week.

The mighty Barracudas led the league in strikeouts (63) and ERA (2.49). Scott Kazmir is shaping up as a possible franchise pick for ’08; he pitched 13 shutout innings in Week 24 with 21 strikeouts, earning two wins. Pedro Martinez is back and also looking like a great keeper ($0.50) for ’08, hurling 6 innings with 9 Ks and just one run. He’s got a 1.69 ERA for the Cudas in 16 innings since returning from the DL.

The Brawlers have really picked up their pace in the 2nd half, posting a fine 2.70 ERA this week with 7 wins (13 over the last two weeks). Tim Hudson pitched 16 innings in Week 24 with a 1.69 ERA/0.94 WHIP and a win (14).

Bears got 3 HRs and 8 BI from Adam Dunn. He’s up to .269/39/104/9 this year.

Dirty Dogs posted a league-low 26 runs, 29 RBI, 5.91 ERA, and 1.71 WHIP in Week 24. Jeff Francis, “The Man Who Was Traded For A-Rod,” got shelled, giving up 8 runs in 3.3 innings. He’s got a 4.96 ERA/1.48 WHIP in 52.7 innings for the DDs.

Dirty Dogs And Bears Get Their Spoil On

September 15, 2007

Rank Points Team
1 Ballbags 76.0
2 Craydawgs 75.5
3 Team Phil Chu 74.5

Dirty Dogs played spoiler yesterday in picking up two wins to tie the Craydawgs (83) in that category, dropping the Dawgs 0.5 points into 2nd place. The DDs got wins from Jose Contreras (9) and Brad Penny (16).

worlds_ugliest_dog.jpg The Dirty Dogs mascot lets out a triumphant howl

The Bears did their best to screw The Chu, picking up three saves yesterday to tie The Team From The Far East in that category (100), dropping Chu 0.5 points. Gregg (28), Mo Rivera (24) and Matt Capps (2) did the damage.

bears-mating.jpg Gratuitous bear sex photo

A.J. Burnett Pitches Dawgs Into Tie For The Lead

September 14, 2007

Rank Points Team
1 76.0 Craydawgs
1 76.0 Ballbags
3 75.0 Team Phil Chu

Seventeen days left, and this thing is a “Dawg”-fight.

The Craydawgs’ A.J. Burnett pitched eight glorious innings of one run ball yesterday to help the Dawgs overtake The Chu in ERA, 3.50 to 3.51. It’s tenuous, but the Dawgs will take it.

aj_burnett.jpg Burnett simply wouldn’t leave the mound until he had pitched the Dawgs past Team Phil Chu in ERA.

Week 23 Report: World B. Free In The House!

September 11, 2007

Open wide baby birds, papa’s comin’ with a big fat juicy one:


Points Team Change
1 76.0 Ballbags -2.0
2 75.5 Team Phil Chu +1.5
3 74.0 Craydawgs -1.0
4 54.0 Snowmen -2.0
5 41.5 SeaWolves +1.5
6 38.0 Barracudas
7 32.0 Brawlers -2.0
8 29.5 Bears +2.5
9 29.5 Dirty Dogs +1.5

You could say the Ballbags have picked a great time to peak. They set a new standard for the year with 25 homers, including 7 from A-Rod. A-Rod has been an invaluable pickup for the Bags: 17/38/11 in just 137 at-bats. Soriano has decided to come alive at the right time as well: he blasted 5 jimmy-jacks (24) with 9 BI (53). He’s at 24/53/18/.293 on the season. CC Sabathia piled on, with 17 IP and just one run to go with 2 wins (17). On the week, the Bags led the league in HRs (25), RBI (63), Runs (66), and Ks (59).

cc-sabathia.jpg Ballbags got nice work out of this CC (Sabathia)…

c_c_devilleglam.jpg Not this CC (Poison’s CC DeVille).

Team Phil Chu is just .5 points out after closing the gap by 3.5 points this week. The Chu led the BEML in batting average with a Tony Gwynn-like .351, but got hammered and posted a league-worst ERA (6.25) and WHIP (1.61). Jake Peavy got whipped for 8 runs in 4 innings, Roy Oswalt gave up 9 runs in 12.7 innings, and Jered Weaver said “gimme” and got served 8 runs in his 11 innings.

The Chu recently picked up Corey Hart to help in the stretch. In limited duty thus far, he’s hit .429 (9-for-21) with a ding-dong 5 BI. There is no evidence he wears sunglasses at night.

 The Chu picked up this Corey Hart…

sunglasses.jpg Not this Corey Hart

At present, everyone on the Chu is hitting .295 or better, with the exception of Grady Sizemore (.274) and Carlos Beltran (.283).

The Craydawgs have had a helluva couple of weeks now, but find themselves just 2 points away from a 7th ring. They are desperately trying to hold off the Ballbags in RBI (+12) and steals (+8), and desperately trying to catch the SeaWolves in BA (-.0013) and the Chu in WHIP (-.011). It hurt to post a league-low in average (.230), but the Dawgs posted a strong ERA (3.20) to pass the Chu in that category. Jorge Posada continued his strong play in ’07 by blasting three homers; he’s at .336/19/84/2 this year. Travis Hafner hit just .250 in Week 23 but knocked in 8 BI (87) with 2 Pronks (21). Unfortunately, the Dawgs thought they could bank 40-50 homers with this dude.

You know who’s awesome for the Dawgs? It’s Manny Corpas: 0.53 ERA/0.88 WHIP with 9 saves in 17 innings thus far. The Dawgs lost Erik Bedard for the season this week, but plugged in AJ Burnett for 8 strong innings with 8 Ks and just one run.

 I said “Manny Corpas”…

 Not “many corpses.”

Other notes from around the BEML:

Pat the Bat continued his late season surge for the Snowmen, hitting 3 HRs with 8 BI and a .316 average. He is at .265/27/87 for the year. Carlos Zambrano has been a big disappointment despite 15 wins and 163 Ks. He has a disreputable 4.26 ERA/1.36 WHIP after giving up 9 runs in 10.3 innings this week.

David Ortiz cranked 2 HRs for the SeaWolves this week and is quietly up to .319/28/98/3 this year. Late season free agent pick up Jack Cust is a bust after going just 3-for-21 (.143) in Week 23; he’s at .173 (9-for-52) on the season for the Wolves now.

Cuda pride is alive in Farmingdale. The Cudas posted some respectable numbers this week, cranking 14 Captain Quints with 52 runs, 48 RBI, a league-leading (and uncharacteristically speedy) 11 steals, and a .333 average. The Cudas tacked on 7 wins and have a lot of spirit heading into 2008. Delmon Young is finishing strong, with 2 HRs this week and 10 BI; he’s up to .293/12/81/7. The Cudas welcomed back Pedro Martinez, who picked up two wins after giving up just two runs in 10 innings. It’s unclear whether Markoski will re-up Dice-K’s hefty contract in ’08 after Dice got reamed for 15 runs in 8 innings this week. He’s at 4.44/1.33 on the year with 14 wins and 179 Ks. Respectable, but not All-World, like my man Lloyd “World B.” Free.

world_b_free.jpg You know you’ve been waiting all season for it…a World B. Free reference. This is how the BEMLBlog do.

The Brawlers got nice outings from two pitchers they will likely bring back in ’08: Justin Verlander went 8 innings with one run for a win (16), and Joe Blanton gave up two runs in 8 innings for a win (12).

The Bears and Dirty Dogs are tied for last after the Bears picked up 2.5 points to the Dogs’ 1.5 this week. What kind of game did the Bears bring in Week 23? How about a league-leading 3.09 ERA? Huh? How about a league-low 1.16 WHIP? Jake Westbrook led the way with a 7.7 inning, two ER performance. The Bears also got a huge week out of Brandon Inge, who went .474 (9-for-19) with 2 HRs (6) and 5 BI (46). How about those Dogs, though? Homies got 3 Cecils out of Prince, who now has 13 HRs in just 127 at-bats for the DDs. He’s looking good as the centerpiece of the ’08 Filthy Canines.

Chu Ties It Up

September 8, 2007
Rank Team Points
1 Ballbags 76.0
1 Team Phil Chu 76.0
3 Craydawgs 74.0

Oh snap! It’s tied up. The Bears picked up two saves yesterday (Gregg-27; Rivera-21) to pass the Ballbags in that category, a net loss of one point to the Bags. The Bags are now tied with the Chu for the lead, with the Dawgs just two points back.

Bear.Heraldry.svg Sharp-ass bear logo