Archive for March, 2008

“Booked It!”: The 2008 BEML Season Kicks Off

March 31, 2008

The 16th Annual BEML Draft got off to a fast start when 2007 Champion Anthony Michael Hall (the erstwhile Team Phil Chu) took what they wanted: Darin Erstad for $0.25.

erstad.jpg Erstad is overcome with emotion at being drafted back into the BEML after so many years.

Anthony Michael Hall (“AMH”) went on to try to corner the market on pitching, acquiring fireballers Jake Peavy, Erik Bedard, and Roy Oswalt to go with Johan Santana, a holdover from the ’07 championship squad. AMH’s owner Trader Joe Pravato spent the draft’s aftermath trying to plug up–through trade–some potential holes in an outfield that showcases Eugenio Velez and–gulp–Jacque Jones.

breakfast-club-cuda-and-craydawg.jpg Anthony Michael Hall chills with BEML co-founders Markoski & Bolinger.

The 2006 Champion Craydawgs paid through the nose for a solid-gold left side of the infield: Ryan Braun ($4.50), Jimmy Rollins ($4.75), and the relatively underpriced Jose Reyes ($3.75).

solid-gold.jpg The left side of the Dawgs’ infield is Solid Gold, yo.

Barracudas owner Mike Markoski did his best to return his franchise to glory with a draft that was a huge improvement over–in Markoski’s own words–’07’s “tragic” offense. Markoski gave huge contracts to Berkman, Utley, Sizemore and Hart. In a bit of an odd note, fellow owner AMH suggests that the addition of Utley and Sizemore renders the ’08  Cudas squad the “best looking.”

grady-sizemore.jpg utley2.jpg Big Poppa has certified this year’s Cudas squad–which features Sizemore (l.) and Utley (r.)  as “All-Beefcake.”

The SeaWolves came out swinging in this year’s draft, throwing around money like never before at the draft table, and landing two 30/30 phenoms in David Wright ($5.25) and HanRam ($5.25). Head SeaWolf Walter Oehm vows to take all necessary measures to compete this year, including “trading players” and “picking up free agents.”

Speaking of Wolves, there’s a Wolfpack in town (formerly the Brawlers). This name change is good because BEMLBlog will be the first to admit it was running out of decent photos concerning brawls and the like. The Pack are led by Carlos Beltran, Miguel Cabrera, Ryan Howard and Vlad Guerrero.

wolf-pack-with-carcass.jpg Life in the Wolf Pack is not all that glamorous. Here, the Pack must scavenge a carcass just to stay alive.

Manusama’s Dirty Dogs are definitely in the mix this year, as they opened up the wallet to land Aramis Ramirez ($2.75), Carlos “El Caballo” Lee ($3.50) and Alfonso Soriano ($3.25) to go with returnee Prince Fielder.

dog-kiss.jpg New Dirty Dog Wily Mo Pena gets a lil’ sumfin’ sumfin’ from the Dirty Dogs’ mascot.

The Bears, fresh from the hurting they took in ’07, have regrouped and won the A-Rod/Pujols sweepstakes at the draft. The last time these two were together, they took home the troph for the ’06 Craydawgs. We’ll see if that ol’ magic formula can work for these ’08 Bears.

The BEMLBlog was saddened to say goodbye to the Ballbags and the Snowmen this year. On the plus side, BEMLBlog readers no longer have to deal with photos of scrotums to illustrate the Bags’ goings on.

The BEML welcomes two new squads this year: Darkness, which is owned and managed by Mike Giardina, and aCeS r WiLd, guided by Fernando Gudiel. Darkness opened up the coffers for Mark Teixeira ($4.00), the highest-salaried 1st baseman this year, and followed up with a big contract for Ichiro ($3.00).

the-darkness-logo.jpg Darkness only play night games.

Meanwhile, the aCeS went wild for Matt Holliday ($5.00), Big Papi ($3.00) and Manny Ramirez ($3.25).

carrey.jpg Ace Ventura will greet fans at the inaugural aCeS game today.

Best of luck to all in the new season. Not to crush anybody’s hopes, but the BEMLBlog forecasts the following final standings, based on unassailable projections and logic, and urges you to prove me wrong:


Dirty Dogs
Anthony Michael Hall
aCeS r WiLd

The BEML®. Let’s Do This.®