Archive for April, 2011

Massapequa Rising

April 26, 2011

MASSAPEQUA–It’s on in the BEML as the Dirty Dogs have overtaken the Barracudas–57.5 to 56–as the BEMLBlog goes to press. All of a sudden, local celebrities like Jerry Seinfeld and Alec Baldwin are coming out to check in on the Massapequa Mutts, taking their seat next to lesser lights (and long-suffering Dogs fans) Jessica Hahn, Joey Buttafuoco, Steve Guttenberg, and “Stuttering” John Melendez.

Some of the Massapequa glitterati enjoying the Dogs’ recent success.

The Dogs lead the pack after leading the league in BA (.294), Runs (54) and Steals (11) in Week 3.

The 1 tweezy took a hit recently as catcher Joe Mauer took an indefinite seat with leg atrophy.

“Admittedly,” said a 1 tweezy team doctor, “Mauer’s leg is in pretty bad shape.”


Hangin’ at the Tank

April 17, 2011

FARMINGDALE–The elder statesmen of the BEML gathered this week at the Fish Tank to watch the league-leading Barracudas take on the reigning champ The 1 tweezy.

The owners of the Cudas, Craydawgs, and tweezy embarrass themselves and their families by throwing signs at the Tank.

Cudas ownership provided only the finest meats, cheeses and ales for their guests, who were made to feel uncomfortable only when Cudas owner Markoski consistently referred to the Tank as “my house.”

There was an awkward moment in the sixth inning when Markoski caught a home run blasted by tweezy shortstop Troy Tulowitski. Markoski held on to the prize despite angry calls from the Cudas faithful to throw the ball back. “The Big Fish does what he wants,” said Markoski, “Especially when I’m in My House.”

The home run ball caught by the Big Cuda.

Cudas on Fire

April 11, 2011

FARMINGDALE–The three-time BEML champion Barracudas are aflame after one week of play, jumping out to an 8.5 point lead over The 1 tweezy, 59 to 50.5. The Cudas were almost perfect on the mound, with a 1.50 ERA, 92 Ks, 11 Saves, and a 0.83 WHIP, leading the league in each category. Perennial Cuda Dan Haren worked his usual April magic with two dominating starts (1.15 ERA); Roy Halladay pitched in with two more. It’s a long season, but it helps to start fast, Cuda style.

I said the fish–not the starfish–are on fire.

George Kents Banged Up

April 5, 2011

WESTBURY–The George Kents, widely expected to contend for the 2011 BEML title, have been hampered by injuries in the early going, as closer Brian Wilson and high-priced sluggers Matt Holliday and Evan Longoria have been sidelined with various ailments. All are expected back in the next couple of weeks, but meanwhile the Kents find themselves in last place.

Matty Holliday’s scar.

BEML XIX…And So It Begins

April 2, 2011

HIGHLAND PARK–The Craydawgs‘ Mark Teixeira kicked off the 2011 Big East Meadow League season by hitting the ball so hard that it turned to dust….Big Tex’s blast was subsequently ruled a home run by BEML officials and was one of four dingers hit by the Dawgs (Braun, Votto, Hunter) on the BEML’s 19th opening day….

The remains of Big Tex’s crush job

In other news, the George Kents‘ Matt Holliday went 3-for-4 with a four-bagger but he hit his homer with such force that he busted his appendix and will be out for several weeks….the BEML had a moment of silence on opening day in memory of the Kents’ owner’s mother, Mrs. Hauser.

Finally, the BEMLBlog obtained footage of the 2010 Champion 1 tweezy (f/k/a Seymour Garnens at Schwab Park) kicking off the 2011 BEML draft last month:

Seymour Gardens Crowned 2010 BEML Champs

April 2, 2011

HICKSVILLE — Three years removed from their last BEML championship in 2007, and after two straight disappointing fifth place finishes, the franchise currently known as Seymour Gardens at Schwab Park dominated after the All-Star Break to collect their fourth title.

Hicksville takes its championship celebrations very seriously.

The final 2010 BEML standings:

Rank Team Batting Pitching Total Behind
1 Seymour Gardens 37 35.5 72.5 0
2 Barracudas 39 25.5 64.5 8
3 Snowmen 38 25 63 9.5
4 George Kents 27 29 56 16.5
5 Craydawgs 28 21.5 49.5 23
6 Dirty Dogs 19.5 25.5 45 27.5
7 Wolfpack 9.5 28 37.5 35
8 Project Mayhem 12 24.5 36.5 36
9 Bears 15 10.5 25.5 47

Down by 10 points at the midway break, the Gardeners picked up 18 points over the second half of the season and 17 points in the batting categories alone. Free agent pickup Jose Bautista blasted 33 HRs with 72 RBIs over the second half (.266/36/79/6 on the season), and Troy Tulowitski hammered 17 HRs with 50 RBI in just 192 at bats for the Gardens after a late-season trade from the George Kents. Hicksville’s pride picked up eight points in the home runs category alone in the second half by racking up 172 HRs (outpacing the next best team–the Barracudas–by 28).

But the Gardens did it with their arms as well as their bats. In addition to leading the league in HRs and RBI, the four-time champs won the ERA and Saves categories. Adam Wainwright racked up 20 wins with a 2.42 ERA, and Heath Bell (47 saves) and Rafael Soriano (33 saves) posted 80 saves between them with a sub-2.00 ERA. The Gardens ultimately put on a clinic by making key free agent moves and trades (including all eight 2011 protected slots), maxing out the $65 salary cap, and avoiding significant injuries.

The Barracudas finished strong to land in second place. It is their sixth silver medal in their 18 season history (to go with three championships). The Fish led the league in Strikeouts for the second season in a row and also led the league in Runs. Their vaunted pitching staff disappointed (7th in ERA) as aces Zack Greinke (9 wins, 4.22 ERA) and Dan Haren (10 wins, 3.83 ERA) were solid but not as spectacular as was anticipated. Josh Hamilton had a phenomenal comeback season (.359/32/100/8). Hanley Ramirez had a fine season (.300/21/76/32), though some will wonder whether he earned his league-high salary.

Markoski accepts the BEML silver for the sixth time.

The third-place Snowmen matched their best finish for the second year straight, but they hoped for so much more after leading the league for much of the season. The Freeze led the standings in Weeks 7-10 and 12-19, but froze up in the stretch run as other teams secured talent upgrades leading up to the August 15 trade deadline. On the offensive side, the Snowmen used the “Thunder and Lightning” combo of Miguel Cabrera (.329/38/126/3) and Carl Crawford (.307/19/90/47), while Paul Konerko (.314/37/106) and Vernon Wells (.273/31a/88/6) provided cheap power at the salary minimum. A solid trio of arms–Cliff Lee (12 Wins, 3.17 ERA, 185 Ks), Justin Verlander (18 Ws, 3.37 ERA, 219 Ks), and Cole Hamels (12 Wins, 3.06 ERA, 211 Ks)–helped the Snowmen remain competitive throughout the year. But as the walls closed in on the Frost, they failed to make the trades needed to counter the Gardens’ surge. Frost ownership lost its cool, threatened a boycott of the league, and impugned the integrity of the other BEML owners for making trades with the Gardens.

Sucharski found himself frozen out of the championship…

The George Kents cashed it in before the trade deadline but still managed to finish a respectable fourth. The GKs led the league in speed (221 steals) and Wins (106) but did not have a single batter with 500 at-bats or 100 RBI, and just three hitters had 20+ HRs. The Kents’ fire sale landed them 15 protected slots to utilize heading into 2011, and the squad will likely protect pitchers Tommy Hanson, Jonathan Sanchez and Shaun Marcum.

The 2009 defending champion Craydawgs disappointed with a fifth-place finish, their worst since a disastrous 2004 last-place showing, and the first time since then that they have failed to finish in the money. Moreover, the Dawgs are in a pinch going into 2011 having dealt all but one of their protected slots in a quixotic effort to grab the gold this year. Speedster Jacoby Ellsbury was injured on and off the whole year, posting only a .192 average with seven steals. Though BEML 2010 MVP Joey Votto delivered the goods (.324/106/37/113/16), the Dawgs’ other key hitters–Matt Kemp (.249), Aramis Ramirez (.243), Jimmy Rollins (.243/8 HRs), and Carlos Pena (.196)–all faltered. The Dawgs churned through 23 pitchers trying to find the winning formula from ’09, but for naught.

Fifth place is the new First, say the Craydawgs.

After finishing third (’08) and fourth (’09) the past two seasons, the Dirty Dogs took a step back with their canine brethren (the Craydawgs, natch), finishing sixth. The Dogs found solid production from franchise player Evan Longoria (.294/96/22/104/15), but E-Long did not get much support from the rest of the lineup. Ubaldo Jimenez (19 wins, 2.88 ERA, 214 Ks) and Jered Weaver (3.01/233 Ks) went off.

Dirty Dogs Nation is optimistic for 2011.

The 7th place Wolfpack crawled into their den starting in about…April. They never came out. Grady Sizemore took a powder (.211/0 HRs), Nate McLouth went 6-for-50 (.120), Lance Berkman went AWOL (.229/6 HRs), and the high-priced ($4.75) Prince Fielder flirted with mediocrity (.272/24/58 in 412 ABs) before being traded away (along with 12 other Wolves) during the annual July/August BEML trade wars. The Pack maintained a fairly strong pitching staff (#1 in WHIP, #2 in Saves), but it was not nearly enough to make up for a gimpy, anemic, base-clogging (last in steals) offense.

The expansion Project Mayhem acquitted themselves well in their first year, spinning a 3.52 ERA to finish well out of the cellar. Mayhem is poised to move up in 2011 with a dirt cheap ($0.25) starter–David Price (17 Wins, 2.73 ERA)–and catching phenom Buster Posey (.305/18/67).

The last place Bears struck gold with 3B Adrian Beltre (.321/28/102) and 2010 BEML Maddux Award winner Roy Halladay (21 Wins, 2.44 ERA between the Bears, Kents and Cudas), but otherwise struggled all around, finishing last in both BA (.267) and ERA (3.89). It was their fourth last place finish. The ursines from North Woodmere, Long Island will return for their 14th season in 2011 with 13 protected slots and a desire–nay, a hunger–for revenge.

Rumor has it the floundering Bears will consult with proven champion Bear Kelly Leak in 2011.