Archive for July, 2011

Bonds Nominated for Induction into BEML Hall of Fame

July 31, 2011

EAST MEADOW–Barry Bonds, the thick-necked slugger who gave his name to the BEML MVP award after being named Most Valuable Player in the BEML’s inaugural 1993 season, has been nominated by the BEML Writer’s Association for induction into the BEML Hall of Fame. Bonds is the first hitter to be nominated; pitchers Greg Maddux and Randy Johnson were inducted last year.

Bonds lets loose during his ’96 MVP season with the Pogues.

In addition to his 1993 MVP award as a member of the Craydawgs, Bonds was MVP in 1996 (Pogues), 2001 (Java Class/Team Phil Chu) and 2003 (Ballbags/Craydawgs). He also won two championships after being traded mid-year to the eventual champions in 2001 (Team Phil Chu) and 2003 (Craydawgs).

Year Team AB H HR RBI SB BA Salary
1993 Craydawgs 539 181 46 123 29 0.336
1994 Love the Drake 391 122 37 81 29 0.312
1995 Love the Drake 506 149 33 104 31 0.294
1996 Pogues 517 159 42 129 40 0.308 6
1997 Pogues 396 115 28 71 22 0.29
B’hood (K/H) 136 40 12 30 15 0.294
1998 Pogues 552 167 37 122 28 0.303 5.75
1999 Legion of Doom 351 93 34 83 15 0.265
2000 SeaWolves 480 147 49 106 11 0.306 3.5
2001 Java Class 354 109 51 102 8 0.308
Team Phil Chu 122 47 22 35 5 0.385 3.5
2002 Barracudas 403 149 46 110 9 0.37 4
2003 Ballbags 294 97 34 69 7 0.33
Craydawgs 96 36 11 21 0 0.375 4
2004 Bears 373 135 45 101 6 0.362 3
2005 Bears 42 12 5 10 0 0.286 3
2006 Bears 150 42 12 34 0 0.28 2.5
2007 Bears 340 94 28 66 5 0.276 1.5
TOTALS 6042 1894 572 1397 260 0.289

Bold = Championship; Italics = Bonds MVP Award

Bonds finished out his career with the Bears, spending his final four seasons (’04-’07) in the Bear Den. When he retired in 2007, he did so as the all-time BEML leader in HRs (572) and RBI (1,397), and as the single-season record holder for HRs (73 in 2001).

If confirmed, Bonds will enter the Hall as a Pogue. Bonds spent the ’96-’98 seasons with that team, racking up 441 hits, 107 home runs, and 90 steals, and winning the ’96 MVP (the first “40/40” season in BEML history).

While Bonds was infamous for alleged steroids use in some circles, there was never any shortage of interest in his services on BEML Draft Day. Bonds will be inducted unless four current owners of the BEML object within 24 hours.

Barracudas ownership testified it “knew squat” about Bonds’ alleged steroids use during  Bonds’ monster 2002 season with the club.

Dawgs Urge Werth to Seek Help for Possible Meth Addiction

July 15, 2011

HIGHLAND PARK–Craydawgs management, disappointed in Jayson Werth’s deplorable .215 batting average this year, has approached the struggling slugger to inquire about seeking treatment for a possible methamphetamine addiction.

“Dude hit .296 last year,” said the Craydawgs’ owner. “Have you seen him this year? Looks like an extra from Breaking Bad. He’s a mess.”

“Just looks like a tweaker, if you know what I mean. I didn’t accuse him or anything, but I did tell him that if he needs help, we’re here for him.”

Werth 1997                                                   Today

Second Half Preview: Cudas Top BEML Food Chain

July 13, 2011

FARMINGDALE–Adam Dunn is hitting a woeful .179 with five homers. Alex Rios, thought to be a potential 30-30 man, is on pace for 8-8, with a .206 average. Gordon Beckham was supposed to carry over his 2010 growth into 2011; instead he’s at .237 with four homers. Shin-Soo Choo may be out for the year after posting weak numbers early on. Nevertheless, the Barracudas have a six-point lead over resurgent Snowmen as we head into Week 15. The Cudas have been buoyed by a 3.09 team ERA that would be a BEML all-time record if the season ended today. “The finest pitching staff ever assembled,” indeed. The standings coming out of the All-Star break:

Rank Team Total Dif Behind
1 Barracudas 55 4 0
2 Snowmen 49 3 6
3 Project Mayhem 47.5 -2 7.5
4 George Kents 46 -4 9
5 Dirty Dogs 44.5 2.5 10.5
6 Craydawgs 43 -3 12
7 Bears 42 -1 13
8 The 1 tweezy 33 0.5 22

The Fish continued their dominance on the mound with a 2.27 ERA last week… Dan Haren had two wins with 17 Ks over 17.7 innings, with a 1.02 ERA…the Cudas also piled up 69 RBI, including nine each from Josh Hamilton (.301/11/49/4) and Michael Cuddyer (.322/9/37/5)…

All of a sudden, the Cudas are feeling smug. You might call them “The Smugacudas.”

The Freeze racked up 15 steals and 12 saves in Week 14, with a league-leading 1.92 ERA… the Snowmen have rostered a number of speedsters (Rollins, Pagan, Bourjos, Bernadina) and appear poised to pick up several points in that category moving forward…

The Snowmen’s Angel Pagan (four steals in Week 14) spontaneously combusts on the way to home plate.

Project Mayhem have been in this beeyotch since the get-go and seem ready to contend in just their second season; they will continue to be in it so long as MVP candidates Matt Kemp (.313/22/67/27) and Jose Bautista (.334/31/65/5) continue to produce…

The George Kents went into the break struggling, losing four points off the lead in Week 14. They did hit a league-best .309, though, led by Ben Zobrist (9-for-19, .474) and Kevin Youkilis (10-for-22, .454)…

The Filthy, Nasty Puppies cranked a league-high 16 dongs last week, while also leading the BEML in Ks (80), Wins (6), and WHIP (0.93)… The Dirties lit a fire under H-Ram, who hit .348 with 7 BI in Week 14; he’s up to .290…

The Craydawgs continued their woeful production in Week 14, dropping three more points last week. They have plummeted 14 points since they reached first in Week 10. Zack Greinke (8.36 ERA in 14 IP) has struggled for the Dawgs since he came over in a trade with the Snowmen for Josh Beckett… The Grizz has arguably the best offense to date (first place in HR and RBI), but the worst pitching by far (last in ERA, Ks, Wins, WHIP); Francisco Liriano (7.08 ERA over 54 IP) and Roy Oswalt (injured) have disappointed… The 1 tweezy bowed out some time ago and recently dealt hurlers Chris Carpenter and Tim Hudson to the Kents for Anibal Sanchez and Jose Tabata…

Words of wisdom…The Craydawgs’ hands on owner pulls double duty as pitching coach for acquisition Zack Greinke.

2011 BEML All-Stars Announced

July 4, 2011

Half a season is in the books… Time to announce the best of the BEML. First, the hitters:

Pos Player Team

R

HR

RBI

SB

BA

C B. McCann Snowmen

30

14

47

2

.314

C V. Martinez Mayhem

37

6

46

1

.333

1B A. Gonzalez George Kents

59

16

74

1

.350

2B R. Cano Dirty Dogs

52

14

54

6

.294

3B J. Bautista Mayhem

66

27

56

5

.331

SS J. Reyes Dirty Dogs

65

3

32

30

.354

CO M. Cabrera Snowmen

60

17

56

1

.328

MI T. Tulowitzki Craydawgs

44

17

57

6

.272

OF M. Kemp Mayhem

52

22

64

22

.322

OF R. Braun Craydawgs

57

16

62

19

.320

OF J. Ellsbury The 1 tweezy

57

9

40

26

.302

OF C. Granderson Craydawgs

73

22

58

15

.273

OF C. Gonzalez Mayhem

55

13

51

14

.296

DH P. Konerko Snowmen

39

21

62

1

.317

And the pitchers:

Player Team

W

SV

K

ERA

WHIP

J. Verlander Snowmen

11

0

130

2.32

0.86

J. Weaver Dirty Dogs

10

0

114

1.92

0.92

R. Halladay Barracudas

11

0

131

2.44

1.03

J. Shields The 1 tweezy

8

0

127

2.45

0.98

C. Hamels Snowmen

9

0

110

2.41

0.94

J. Beckett Snowmen

7

0

91

2.12

0.91

J. Hanrahan Craydawgs

0

24

33

1.41

0.97

H. Bell George Kents

2

24

26

2.31

1.11

F. Cordero Bears

3

17

26

1.49

0.85

The Snowmen make a particularly strong showing this year, sending six to the July Classic. The game will be played this year for the first time at the Dirty Dog Bowl.

Talkin’ ’bout 2011 BEML All-Star Justin Verlander…

Not “Ear of Evander.” (Shut out of All-Star voting.)

Heading into the second half, the title is within reasonable reach of seven of the eight teams:

Rank Team Total Dif Behind
1 Barracudas 51.0 0 0
2 George Kents 50.0 -3 1
3 Project Mayhem 49.5 2.5 1.5
4 Craydawgs 46.0 -1 5
4 Snowmen 46.0 1.5 5
6 Bears 43.0 1 8
7 Dirty Dogs 42.0 0.5 9
8 The 1 tweezy 32.5 -1.5 18.5